Confluence
by Ladiladida
Summary: A Richard/OC fic. When Richard Harrow encountered two strangers on a beach for a fleeting moment, he did not realise the important part they were to play in his life. But competing powers soon pose a threat to chances of hope.
1. Prologue

**Authors Notes**

_**Hello. This is my first B.E fic (I am new to B.E and caught up in the last 3 weeks) and like many other people I have grown to love the character of Richard Harrow from the moment he first appeared. I have an idea for a full fic but wanted to see what reception this prologue got. The story will be Richard/OC and will eventually be an M. It has not had a beta so I apologise for any errors. Please comment, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.**_

Prologue

It was another day of going through the motions. Richard Harrow had woken up, washed, dressed meticulously and then came the waiting game. The fact that he only truly came alive when Jimmy had a job that needed doing was a fact he wasn't proud of, but with a gun in his hand he felt strong and certain. Being without it was something he didn't like to contemplate much. He'd been cooped up too long and he started to feel a blackness creeping upon him that was oh so familiar and he needed to get out of his room became a necessity. A walk seemed advisable though a deep rooted bitterness within him felt it was also futile, nothing would ever snap him back into place as the hopeful young man he had been before the war.

Richard stepped out; he looked up into the sky and saw the sun hiding behind some thick, white clouds. The air was warm; it was a perfect day for a walk. He walked to the sea front, barely conscious of anyone around him. Experience had taught him to block people out somewhat, that way he didn't notice the glances or hear the whispers spoken behind hands. It was a form of protection that isolated him further from the outside world.

Strangely there were few people about on the stretch of sand that spread out before him and the sound of the waves rumbling onto it lulled in the background. He took his first step on the sand, feeling his shoes sink into it. Part of him wanted to do as children did, to take off his shoes, roll up his trousers and feel the grain under his feet before wading into the sea. But it didn't feel like that kind of day today so he slowly walked towards where the tide was breaking. He decided to shake off his coat and he folded it neatly and placed it down on the sand before taking a few steps nearer to the sea. His hands hung loosely at his sides and he looked out into the distance.

His mind drifted back to his childhood on the farm, he had never seen the sea till he went abroad in the war. The memories of the past played out like an old movie in his mind, he and Emma chasing each other around their parents land, hiding behind tree bows and running through tall grass. Emma had the most wonderful laugh when she was a little girl, he could still hear it now as though it was yesterday. As she grew older it was not that she laughed less but that her manner was expected to be more tempered. It was not seemly to abandon politeness and laugh uncontrollably, it was a knowledge that before the war had saddened him and here he was now barely ever laughing himself. He heard Emma's laugh in his ear, he saw the smile on her face yet the memory could not weaken the steel in his veins.

But the laugh seemed so clear, so nearby that it was strangely haunting. He realised he had been so deep in a reverie that he hadn't realised that a mother and child were making slow progress towards him along the beach. As he came back to the present his peripheral vision took them in and he saw it was a young girl with her mother. The laughter of a little girl echoed up the beach and enraptured him. They were hand in hand and clearly playing a game of running towards the waves as they receded, only to dash backwards to avoid the break as it burst onto the sand. The young girl giggled with joy as several close encounters with boisterous waves nearly caught them out, but her mother saved her every time. Richard turned his head to give them more attention, the waves and thoughts of the past were no longer of any interest to him. Instead the pleasure of observation took over and as he watched he envied the little girls promise and innocence as well as the mothers blessing in having a child.

The mother was only young, clearly no more than twenty one and the way she guided the unsteady steps of her daughter who he guessed to be about three brought a twinge of joy to his heart. It was as though life had taken one of those secret fantasies concealed in his Bible and teasingly played it out before him. As they drew close to him the young mother caught him watching them and he was struck with self conscious horror. He wanted to turn yet he waited expectantly for that well known look he got when people saw his mask. Part of him needed that look to remind him what he could never have.

Richard took in the beautiful chocolate shade of her hair and how the sea breeze had brightened the cheeks of her and her daughter. The woman's large eyes met his and she observed him a moment, her daughter who was swaying on her hand noticed him and the same big eyes studied his face. He waited for the unbearable point where the child would become frightened and her mother would usher her away quickly, barely able to look at him herself. But as the seconds past the child's face did not alter.

"Hello." She said in a little voice that matched her elf like appearance. Her mother looked down at her then looked back to him and she gave a small smile at him. They soon they passed behind him and continued to walk up along the sea, the mother now wrapped her arm around the small girls shoulders and pulled her lovingly to her side. Slowly they became smaller and smaller silhouettes but Richard devotedly watched their progression until they were out of sight.

His face turned back to the sea and the faces of the strangers played briefly in his mind but it was the impact of their brief contact with him that consumed him. Suddenly the day seemed a little better than before and as he turned on his heel and walked away from the sea its sound seemed more comforting to him than before. Today could bring what it liked; he would get through it without as much darkness. Whereas tomorrow he could not bear to think about.


	2. The Kindness of Strangers

**Chapter One**

_2 months later_

"How would you feel about a little job this afternoon Richard?" Jimmy asked as they sat in their usual place on his porch. It had been a while since Richard had been asked to do 'a job'.

"What. Hmm. Do you need?" Richard replied.

"I need you to visit Quentin Greenall, he's been one of our sure clients for a while now but Al's warned me someone has been sniffing around tryin' to poach him."

"I don't. Think. Hmm. I would be any good. I'm not. Hmm. Exactly a. Negotiator." Richard replied but saw that Jimmy's look hardened a little. Jimmy did this sometimes, it wasn't that he was annoyed with Richard, he just didn't like him to doubt himself.

"You're a strong message Richard, even stronger with a gun in your hand. You can prove to him we are the best to protect his interests."

"Hmm. I guess I could. Hmm. Try."

"Good." Jimmy said, his expression softening but the furrow on his forehead still present. "There's some new blood skulking around out there an' until we know more we need to keep hold of those we have."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Jimmy drinking down a coffee quickly and Richard gazing idly out the window. In a way he was relieved the job wasn't a hit, but at the same time he often worried about the faith Jimmy placed in him with these sorts of tasks. He didn't want to disappoint him.

Richard had declined Angela's offer to stay and have some food with them, it was mid afternoon and he decided to take a walk and swing by Greenalls well known speakeasy on the way back. The world was a changing place, Capones presence was now on a steady rise and what Richard didn't see first hand he heard from Jimmy in great detail. Yet he didn't consider himself one of Capone's men, he was Jimmy's man, and whilst Jimmy flitted from loyalty to loyalty his would remain constant.

He went by his rooms, picked up his colt that he could easily conceal until any trouble called for it and then headed for the boardwalk. Of late he'd found himself stood at the sea edge staring out across the horizon, but he still had not found the impulse to remove his shoes. It was that same system, remove his jacket and place it neatly on the ground then just look out. At times he thought of the job, at times he recalled memories and at times he mused over how this stretch of water would still flow in and out after he, Jimmy, Capone and Nucky had all made their exits in whatever way they were to go.

People passed by him at short distances but he barely noticed them, there was nothing spectacular about them to rouse his interest so he just stood watching until he felt ready to go. He made a slow return up the sand then slipping back into his jacket he walked to the speakeasy.

Richard saw the problem before they observed him. There were two men whom he did not recognise loitering nearby, obviously waiting for the same person he was. The likelihood was they were armed and really he should return to Jimmy and explain that their concern was justified but that felt pathetic. Instead he walked over towards the door, pretending to ignore them as he neared the it. It was locked and he rapped loudly upon it.

"Greenalls not around." One of the men said behind him, Richard turned and looked at them as they moved closer.

"Hmm. I'll wait." He replied.

One of the men's eyes narrowed and he clearly was mistrustful of Richard, he stepped in closer making Richard conscious of the invasion of his personal space. It began to get his back up.

"Are you an agent?" He asked Richard.

"Look at him." The other said with a New York twang. "He ain't no agent."

"Whose man are you?" The first replied, Richard did not answer but cocked his head showing how the attempt to intimidate didn't work. His arm subtly moved to where his gun was concealed, he was always quick of the mark at drawing and he certainly would be happy to dispatch this thug.

"Look 'ere half face." The man said, his raw breath making Richard want to turn his head far more than any intimidation did. "Greenall is setting up with us, so you can take that message back to whoever you scuttle about for."

Richards face grew sterner, his unflinching expression made the second man wary.

"Paul just back off will you."

But these words caused the opposite affect, coupled with Richards own stance the mans rage flared up and he delivered a hard blow to Richard's stomach. It bent him in two and the man soon continued with a kick or two that caused Richard to slump against the wall. They were concealed enough for Richard to be in danger and as Paul pulled out his gun he aimed it at the winded Richard who was fumbling for his own. The second man's hand came onto his shoulder and pulled him backwards.

"Fuck off John!" Paul cursed.

"He's gotta be one of Darmody's men. We were told not to cause trouble." John replied, fear evident in his voice.

Richard had found his gun and was about to pull it out when Paul changed his tactic and instead gave two hard blows to his head causing him to black out and his body hit the floor. John and Paul watched as a wound caused by the second blow started to weep blood. John looked Richard over and found he was still alive.

"That's fucking lucky; you've got us in it now though." He said shakily. John persuaded Paul it was best to retreat and they left the unconscious and bleeding Richard to fend for himself.

…..

The pain and haziness were hard to fight through, everything spun, his body seemed to bubble with nausea and he couldn't seem to move. Richards eyes opened a little, the light hurting them and a voice blurry near his ear. Someone was pulling him up into a seating position and then a face came close to his.

"Come on now." Said the voice slowly coming into focus. "That's it, come on."

The face gradually formed into something more clear, but all seemed blurred around the edges. It was a woman, she was some years older than him and she was searching his eyes constantly and he felt her hands on his shoulders.

"My name is Lydia, what's yours?"

"Richard." He said groggily, his head splitting with pain.

"If I help you do you think you can stand? I don't live far from here, we can get you cleaned up."

Richard nodded but it took over five minutes before they successfully worked together to enable him to stand. He staggered to where she guided him but he could feel her own frame was not that strong. Some form of will power managed to get him just inside the door but then the pain and haze overcame him again and he slumped into a chair, the world again going black.

He flitted in and out of consciousness numerous times, never really remembering the time before. All he could feel was pain and nothing seemed clear. He was often aware of another presence in the room, at times he could see a fuzzy shape dabbing something cool against his head or gently tipping water into his mouth. As time went on he realised his mask was not on his face and he became agitated but couldn't quite communicate his anxiety.

"Ssssh!" Said Lydia's voice. "You need to sleep."

"I need… hmm…. Face… I need. Hmm." He babbled and he tried to pull himself up but it was like a blacksmiths hammer was brought onto his temples and a harsh wave of nausea hit him knocking him flat against the bed.

"You're not well. Don't worry about your face, I'm not frightened. Lie still. Sleep." Her voice instructed with caring firmness.

The confusion was forming again, but his agitation lessened and before he slipped back into sleep he murmured two words.

"Thank you."

….

"Richard?" A voice called from what sounded like a long tunnel, various faces flashed before his eyes erratically but the kind voice persisted in calling his name. At first it was faint and hollow, but gradually it became clearer, he had the sensation of running towards it, his arms outstretched.

"Richard." The voice said gently and his eyes flew open as he sat up quickly, a dull ache immediately residing in his head. It was not as acute as before and he immediately could see the room clearer and the woman sat to his right was easily visible for the first time. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm. hmmm. A lot of pain but. Hmmm. I'll live." He replied and feeling embarrassed he tried to move to climb out of bed but she soon obstructed him with her arm.

"You are not ready for that yet, you won't be for a while. Just steady yourself first." Lydia instructed but she saw he was still not fully comfortable. She picked up his mask from the side table and handed it to him. "If you must."

Richard placed it on his face and felt more at ease, he now looked properly to Lydia and examined her from head to foot. She looked very tired and he felt guilty that she had lost sleep caring for him. From her appearance she seemed incredibly kind, but he sensed that even without her loss of sleep she was not quite a well woman. Her lip was slightly withered, her skin had a grey hue to it and she was very thin. How then had she managed to get him back to her house?

"I am sorry. Hmmm. For imposing." He said looking down at his hands that he folded on his lap.

"It doesn't matter." She said kindly. "Anothers trouble takes your mind off your own. It's been a while since I've done any nursing."

"I shall not. Hmmm. Stay long." He said.

"You've got a big, gaping cut on your head my dear, you're not fit for walking anywhere. I have a friend coming soon, she will help me as I need to rest. Are you hungry?"

"I have no. hmmm. Appetite. I just. Hmm. Feel like I need to sleep." He explained.

"Well then you definitely can't go anywhere yet." She replied. "And we shall not let you."

"I don't wish too. Hmm. Scare your friend."

"You won't. Now have some water then I think we should both try and sleep. Promise me you will not try and leave, when you're awake again we can have a better go at treating your wound."

Richard thought for a moment, despite the fact he wanted to leave and withdraw into his own rooms there was something kind about this lady and the company she gave him that made him nod in agreement. Lydia rose slowly, her body seeming stiff with rheumatism and she walked out the room with a sigh. For a moment Richard remained sat up but without her company the ache in his head seemed to increase so he lay back down and fell asleep.

It was a delicious smell from nearby that roused Richard from sleep once again, he looked about the room to find its source. He saw a younger woman with her back to him placing a tray on the sideboard and arranging some things. She was slight of frame and had dark brown hair fixed up neatly onto the back of her head. Richard touched his face, feeling more easy knowing he was still wearing his mask. He pulled himself up into a seating position just as she turned round.

"Do you think you could manage a little?" She said, her voice carrying a faded irish tone. At first he was dumbstruck because he immediately recognised her from some months before. She had been half of a memory he recalled from time to time since that day on the beach. In closer proximity he was far more aware of how striking she was, her large eyes and slender features were all set in the right place for true beauty. Richard became aware he was staring like an idiot at her and he nodded self consciously.

The young woman brought a bowl and spoon and sat down beside the bed.

"My name is Nell. It's Richard isn't it?"

"Yes." He said hoarsely.

"How would you prefer to eat, I can leave you if you like." She said normally, if a little unsure of whether her words would offend him. "But I'm quite happy to help you… if you feel you need it."

Richard looked a little from side to side then down at his hands, Nell felt she had embarrassed him and placing the bowl on her lap rested her hand on the bed.

"I don't mean to make you feel awkward, I'm sorry if I have."

"It's fine. Hmm. I'll take it."

She carefully handed him the bowl and spoon, the broths tasty smell growing more potent in his nostril.

"Hmm. Thank you."

On closer inspection he saw how creamy white her skin was, in the lamplit room it seemed to give her a peachy glow. But her hands showed signs of a hard worker; the skin looked irritated and tired. He felt it sad that someone so pretty should have to suffer that.

"Lydia is still sleeping. Is there someone you would like me to visit and let them know where you are?"

"I have. Hmm. Someone expecting me. If you'd be so kind. Hmm. As to send word to. Jimmy Darmody."

Nell nodded and got up from her seat. She moved towards the door as she sensed he wanted to eat alone.

"I'll tell him you should be back on your feet tomorrow. I shall not be long."

She pulled open the door and giving him a kind look she slipped out leaving him with his meal. He felt strangely unworthy of the kindness and trouble of these two strangers but the presence of accepting people was a good elixir for taking some of the sting out of his self loathing. He could hear the faint sound of a conversation between Nell and another person; he knew it was the airy voice of a child. But then the door opened and closed and the whole house was quiet, yet Richard did not feel quite as alone.


	3. Contact

**Authors Notes**

**Thank you to anyone sticking with this fic, I hope I've planned this story in such a way that it doesn't seem predictable (it may do at the moment but it will change). Please comment if you can!**

**Chapter 2**

The Darmody house had been a little bit tricky to find at first, but after finally finding a forthcoming person Nell soon found the door. It was early evening and she felt this should be the best time to catch the friend of Mr Harrow and give him the message. She was a little nervous; she wasn't sure what kind of person she would be meeting. She knocked tentatively and waited, at first she wasn't sure anyone was at home but then after a minute or so the door opened an attractive woman answered the door.

"Can I help you?" The woman asked softly, if a little nervous herself. Nell swallowed hard, she was partly relieved that it was a woman who answered, a friendly looking one at that.

"I am here to see Mr Darmody." She replied shakily. "I have a message for him."

"Mr Darmody is not in at the moment. I'm his wife Angela, can I take a message?"

Angela looked at Nell not with suspicion exactly, but Nell could see she was trying to work out whether she was any kind of threat. Was she imagining she was some secret lover of Darmody's or worse?

"I should… that is… would you mind if I waited, my name is Nell… I have some news of a friend of his… a Mr Harrow?" Nell babbled her accent thickening when she was nervous. As soon as she'd uttered the name Harrow, Angela's face changed, she opened the door wider and allowed Nell to enter. The two young women were still a little nervous with one another, but Angela brought Nell to the kitchen and offered her a seat.

"Jimmy has been waiting for Richard since yesterday. Is he alright?" Angela asked.

"He is staying with a friend of mine; he came by the way of an accident. He suffered a nasty blow to the head." Nell explained.

Angela looked a little grave, she immediately guessed it would not have been an accident, it was more than likely an attack. But she took comfort in the fact that at least he was alive, some of Jimmy's other associates and enemies were not so fortunate. Besides, she liked Richard and was always concerned for his welfare.

"I expect Jimmy home soon, though I'm never certain."

She offered Nell a drink and the two women sat together at the table. Nell noticed the easel in the background and saw spots of paint on Angela's hands.

"Are you an artist?" Nell asked shyly, not sure whether she was appearing nosy but she preferred to make conversation.

"Yes, I sketch and I paint. I'm gradually getting better. I find the time somehow in between being a wife and a mother." Angela replied, her tone friendly and that helped Nell relax a little.

"I have a little girl, Elsa."

"I have a boy, Tommy."

"The apple of his father's eye, I should imagine." Nell said warmly.

"He's a very good father."

"I should think your son makes a good subject, when I watch Elsa sometimes I wish I had the gift to capture her."

"Yes, though Tommy would not be still enough to sit for me. But sometimes I find the time to sketch him." Angela explained. "Would you like to see some?"

Nell nodded and Angela took her through to her makeshift studio. They flicked through various pieces of her work and Nell marvelled at what she saw, she couldn't help but say so. Angela looked at the young woman's hand and saw no wedding ring, she imagined Nell was in a similar situation to how she once was before she and Jimmy married.

"I was thinking of getting Elsa photographed at some point. She's three now and would be able to sit for a minute. She seems to change all the time and I feel like I miss some of it."

"I used to enjoy having my photograph taken." Angela said. "I still do from time to time. Jimmy likes having ones of me with him."

Nell became occupied looking through Angela's paintings and the artist watched as the eager, young eyes roamed over each canvass, the admiration warm in her face. Angela admired the young woman's well sculpted cheek bones and the shine of her hair. She was very pretty and life did not appear to have been too hard on her yet.

"Would you like me to draw your daughter for you?" Angela asked, Nell looked up with surprise she was worried her scrutiny and praise were being a nuisance to her new acquaintance. But Angela's kind eyes showed she was being earnest. "I need a new subject and though it's not a photograph, it's something to keep as a memory."

"I would pay you of course…" Nell said delighted and embarrassed in equal measure. They began to talk over a time when the door opened and Jimmy walked in. Angela crossed the kitchen and met him with a kiss. Nell came forward a little but stood somewhat nervously in the adjoining door. Jimmy Darmody was young and intense looking, Nell felt a little frightened when his hard gaze swept over her. Angela seemed to sense the atmosphere change and she said.

"This is Nell, she has some news about Richard."

"Richard?" Jimmy replied and he came nearer to Nell. "What about him?"

"He is staying at a friend of mine called Lydia Blane, he was attacked yesterday and has a wound to the head… he'll be alright… he's just not very certain on his legs… he asked me to send word to you… in case you were… unsure."

Her news seemed to spark anger in Jimmy's eyes and his hard gaze darkened, but when he sensed this was worrying his guest he covered it a little and asked.

"I would like the address of your friend."

Angela handed Nell some paper and she wrote down Lydia's address, she handed it over to Jimmy the slight shake in her hand making him soften slightly.

"Thank you. I was expecting him you see."

"He's sleeping now, we keep the wound clean and I think he will be a lot better tomorrow." She explained, her confidence increasing somewhat. Nell did not want to come across as some quivering wreck for she wasn't, but the subject of her message appeared to be a lot graver than she imagined. "I shall go. Thank you for seeing me."

"Thank you." Jimmy replied and then sat down to contemplate as though she was no longer present in the room. Angela smiled and walked with Nell to the door.

"Shall we say the day after tomorrow?" Angela suggested.

"It is very kind of you."

"It will be my pleasure."

The women exchanged one last smile before the door closed between them. Nell set off back to Lydia's to pick up Elsa. Upon arriving the house was still quiet, though Lydia was sleeping in a chair near a contented Elsa who was playing. Nell bent down and kissed her daughters head.

"Have you been good?"

The little girl nodded and said in an almost whisper.

"I was quiet, the man is sleeping."

This earnt Elsa another kiss from Nell and her mind went to the injured man in the other room. Quietly she approached the door and listened, she could not hear a sound. Out of politeness she knocked lightly before gently opening the door. She found the rooms inmate sat up in bed, he looked pale and in discomfort but lucid. Richard seemed a little nervous seeing it was her, he felt awkward and imposing on these women's kindness.

"How are you feeling?" Nell asked standing at the foot of the bed.

"A little better. Hmmm. My head aches."

"I will change the dressing if you like and I wondered… would you like some hot water to wash?"

Richard nodded, he didn't look directly at her but at least he looked in her direction this time.

"Did you. Hmm. See. Jimmy?"

"Yes. He will come tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Nell moved nearer the bed, she saw him become tense but he leaned forward so that she could take off the dressing. He made sure the masked side of his face wasn't very visible to her and this made her heart go out to him a little. Taking off the bandage she saw the cut was worse than she thought, but it was clean and would no doubt heal.

"Have you managed to sleep with this?" She asked as she took a damp, clean cloth and dabbed the wound. Richard didn't wince he just sat completely still with his hands rested on his lap.

"Hmm. The ache keeps me awake." He replied quietly

"I wish we had something to give you, I'm sorry."

She nursed the wound, taking care not to snag it or allow his hair to become covered in any blood. Her hand went to rest on his shoulder for support; it was an unconscious action that surprised Richard. But the touch was reassuring and not unpleasant and he fought his reflex to tense up further. The close proximity of another person was something he was strangely enjoying and rarely experienced. He turned slightly and again examined her hand; he took in how slender her fingers were. He wanted to talk to her but wasn't quite sure where to start.

"Did I hear. Hmm. A child?"

"Oh I'm sorry, did she wake you?" Nell asked.

"No. Hmm. Don't apologise."

Of course he knew she had a daughter from the day on the beach yet he didn't want her to know he remembered her. It seemed stupid to him to feel that way but he knew it allowed him more opportunity to ask her questions.

"What's her name?" He asked,

"Elsa." Nell replied and she started to reapply the dressing to his wound. "She has been very keen not to wake you."

"She wasn't. Loud. Hmm. I just. Hear. Very well."

"I will make sure she doesn't disturb you. We will be going home soon anyway."

"Do you live far?"

"Not too far. I call in on Lydia everyday, I sweep through for her and do some fetching and carrying." Nell explained. "She has been very kind to me."

"Hmm. And me." Richard replied. Nell had completed her task and she moved away a little, the loss of her hand on his shoulder seeming greater to Richard than it did to her. He doubted very much that she had been aware that she'd done it, she was obviously one of those people for whom it was natural to reach out to another person.

"I shall get you that hot water. Would you like anything else?"

"No. You've been. Hmm. Very kind." He replied gratefully.

Nell moved towards the door, her parting words to him being.

"Your friends were worried about you. They were relieved to know you were well. I won't be long."

The door closed softly and he heard her walk away towards the kitchen. He brought his hand up and touched the place where her own had rested until a moment ago. She was very gentle he could tell, a far contrast from himself he thought. When he thought about it he wondered if the blow to the head was worth it for a few hours of contact with caring people? And Jimmy and Angela were concerned to, it only ever confused Richard why they should care at all, but he was always glad they did.


	4. Elsa

**Chapter 3**

It had been a rough night for the residents of Lydia Moss' house, she had been sound asleep dreaming of days gone by when she had been jolted awake by a heavy thud. There were only two causes of a noise like that, either she had a burglar or more likely the patient had tried to get out of bed and had fallen. Getting up without caution she soon found the latter to be the case. In the dull lamp light she saw a dazed Richard Harrow trying to pull himself back onto the bed, his legs not quite willing to assist him. The moment Richard saw her he looked overcome with some terrible emotion and his hand went up to cover the injury on his face. To do this he had to sink back onto his knees again and he dropped his head with dismay. Lydia came up to him, kneeling down herself with some effort.

"Now then, it seems to me we need to get you back in bed." She said softly. "So let that be the last of me seeing your hand over your face."

Richard looked at the older woman, searching her face for the truth of her words. She offered a small smile as proof and he slowly pulled his hand from his face. The revelation of the damaged cheek, gaping mouth and hollow socket did not shock or appall Lydia, it's true in the dull light of the room it seemed perhaps more grotesque than it's reality but she would not be repelled by it. Lydia got to her feet steadily and taking the weight of Richard they worked together to pull him back onto the bed.

"I'm sorry. I felt nausea. I. Did not. Hmm. Want to make a mess."

"That's very considerate of you, but you gave me a scare my boy."

My boy. How long had it been since anyone referred to him that way? He had long been a man, long known the painful, brutal truth of the world. But the words endeared Lydia to him, he was certain she was merely masking her discomfort in his true form but he appreciated the mask on her part.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked, smoothing his hair off his face that stuck there with perspiration.

"No." He replied quietly. "You. Must get some sleep. I'm sorry. I won't. Hmm. Do this again."

"You're not in the school room now Richard." She said firmly. "I like pleases and thank you's but I'm not so fond of sorry's where they are not needed."

His urge was to apologise again but he did not. He watched as she made her way from the room, offering him a friendly good night and then he was left alone. The sickness in his stomach still churned, he longed to vomit and get it over with, but sadly it was only a side of affect of this wound on his head. Swinging his legs back onto the bed he rested back against the pillows, hands going to rest on his stomach and his eye tried to grow accustomed to the blackness around him. It was a lonely hour, he considered how others were spending it, likely in heavy sleep, labour or love.

The morning brought him his second attempt at getting to his feet; he managed a few steps but then staggered back towards the bed. This was no good; he longed to be on his feet and no longer imposing on the goodwill of Lydia. Richard heard voices in another room; he recognised them as both his nurses from the last few days. Nell did not come to check on him; instead he heard her leave and was able to hear Lydia talking to Elsa. He washed, dressed and replaced his mask then with grim determination he again tried his hand at walking steadily.

Groping at whatever was nearest he made his way to the bedroom door and opened it quietly.

"Now Elsa, do you think you could watch that stove? If you start to see smoke coming from it you tell me. It means I've forgotten to take the bread out."

"Yes Auntie Lydia." The child replied in a sweet tone.

"Good girl."

The interchange drifted down the small hall to Richard's ears and he couldn't help but smile. Stepping out of the room he held the wall for support and made a slow journey to the kitchen. As he neared the kitchen door which was ajar he peered round. Lydia was busy with something, her back to him, but on the floor playing with two well loved looking dolls was Elsa. Lydia sang a song quietly to herself and Elsa chatted in her own game as Richard continued to watch them. A few minutes passed before the little girl happened to look up towards the door and see him. A sudden nervousness rushed over Richard and he wanted to move away from the door but the child smiled at him and said.

"Hello."

Lydia turned around, amazed to see Richard up and about but not failing to notice how he relied on the wall for support. Coming over she took his arm and guided him to a chair.

"Now this is some progress, Richard."

Richard sunk into the wooden chair and the relief of being off his legs made him feel tired. Elsa turned fully to face him and took in his full appearance, her expression unchanged. It spoke of curiosity, but it was that innocent curiosity of the young that lacked judgement and presumption.

"Are you the sick man?" She asked a question that prompted a laugh from Lydia.

"Hmm. Yes." He answered. "I'm. Hmm. Getting better."

"Did they hit your legs as well?" Elsa continued to question.

"They hit his head Elsa." Lydia answered.

"Then why do his legs wobble?" She asked.

"It was. Hmm. A very hard blow." Richard replied. Elsa seemed to take this information in and muse over it for a moment. Climbing to her feet she came and stood in front of him, craning her neck to see the bandage.

"Is your name Mr Harrow?" She asked.

"Yes. Hmm."

"Mama said your friend is coming to see you. That's very nice isn't it?"

"Elsa, let Mr Harrow have a rest. This is the first time he's been walking about, go and play with your dolls." Lydia instructed, the girl looked at Richard a moment, she did not smile but she seemed satisfied and went back to playing. "I'm sorry about her Richard, she's a talker but as you can see she does as she's told."

"Do you. Hmm. Take care of her. Often?" Richard asked.

"Nell has just gone to get some meat. She can get there and back quicker without Elsa. So Elsa stays and helps me watch the bread don't you?"

"I sometimes help mama carry things home." Elsa explained, appearing worried that she was not helpful to her mother.

"Your legs need to grow a bit first." Lydia laughed, she returned to her chores and all was quiet in the kitchen for a while. Richard watched Elsa play contently with her toys but after little conversation the last few days he was in the mood to talk.

"What are. Your dolls names?" He asked, Elsa looked up, she seemed pleased that someone was interested in her game. Shuffling across the floor she held both dolls up. "This one is Eleanor, that's mama's name and the other is Bess."

"Did. Your mother. Hmm. Buy them for you?"

Elsa nodded, Richard examined her clothes and toys, Nell obviously worked very hard to provide for Elsa. Since he had not seen any wedding ring on her hand he had presumed she must be a widow which gave him great admiration for her and for Lydia too. The kindness and support the women showed one another was a quality he'd always admired, he'd seen it in his sister and in Angela. Yet he'd seen lot's of women without it too and seen the looks they gave others. He never generalised women, they were something he was still only learning about, but the one's he gave true credit to where those such as Angela, Lydia and Nell.

Elsa looked sideways and seeing Lydia was occupied she quietly shuffled nearer to Richard again, she stood up and tiptoed to his ear and said.

"Does your mask hurt?"

She pulled away, a look showing she was uncertain how he would react to the question. Richard thought for a moment how best to answer her.

"Sometimes." He said quietly.

Elsa raised her hand and with the lightest touch pressed her fingertips against the mask. Her eyes flicked from what she touched to the look in Richard's eyes. She was trying to work him out and her actions made him nervous, he did not wish to frighten her and he might on closer inspection. Elsa's other hand came up to his cheek and she touched there briefly then let both her hands drop loosely to her sides.

"Your mask is very cold but you're very warm." She whispered to him.

Richard smiled slightly at her, he was touched by this strange child. Before they spoke another word to one another Nell came into the kitchen and Elsa ran to the door to greet her mother.

"You were very quick my dear." Lydia said, wiping her hands. Nell's attention was on Richard sitting in the chair and her eyes seemed to smile at him.

"It is good to see you up Mr Harrow. How are you feeling this morning?"

"A little. Hmm. Better. Thank you." He replied, his own expression struggling to mask the effect her look had on him. They weren't in the dim light of the room he had been sleeping in now, instead they were in the kitchen, the sunlight illuminating everything.

Nell's complexion was fresh and rosy; the bright eyes which he now saw were a hazel colour struck him, there seemed no end to their pools of colour. She was quite beautiful, he also found himself admiring the russet shades in her dark hair which since that day on the beach had not had chance to shine like they did now. Nell moved over to Lydia and placed some of the meat where she was working.

"Mr Harrow, would you like to sit on the porch? A little bit of fresh air perhaps…" Nell suggested. Fresh air hadn't ever really seemed a great consideration before, but with an aching head and having been bed bound for two days he appreciated the idea.

"Yes. Please." He replied and he soon found her at his elbow offering assistance, but where he was happy to take it from Lydia, the idea of needing the assistance of a young woman was rather embarrassing. He moved in a way that evaded her touch and this did not go unnoticed by Nell. Richard felt so foolish but he could not help it. When the door opened and the unsullied air hit his face he felt a little lighter and Nell pointed to a chair. She watched him sit down and then was about to leave but she stopped and said.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to embarrass you. Of course… I understand you want to try and get around on your own… I didn't think…"

She said no more and she slipped into the house not wanting to embarrass him further. Her effort worked, Richard was no longer embarrassed, he was annoyed with himself. He barely knew these women and yet whenever Nell had come near him he started to feel himself drawn to her. Logic put this slight attraction down to the fact she was kind to him, but then he was not attracted to everyone that was kind to him. This particular woman happened to be young, pretty and seemingly unblemished, a far contrast from himself. That was it, he saw in her the promise he'd once had before the war and to observe that in someone else was an attractive thing, if not a little painful. With his mind at rest over this he closed his eye and contented himself with breathing the crisp air in and out.

It was only when a hand touched his shoulder again did he rouse and realise he had fallen asleep. He looked at the hand and followed the path up the arm to the face of Nell. Her face looked slightly nervous and she held out a glass of water to him.

"I thought you might like this."

Richard took it, his fingers lightly touching hers this time. Once he had taken the glass from her she moved a couple of steps from him.

"How long. Hmm. Have I. Been out here?" He asked.

"About twenty minutes. We've been getting the bread out of the oven, but Nell piped up and said that her friend might like a glass of water. You've got a good ally there Mr Harrow, my girl doesn't forget a thing." Nell replied, her tone soft and more relaxed.

They glanced at one another a moment, Nell wanting to think of something to say but she couldn't and Richard wracked his brains to. But the moment passed and before it became awkward Nell began to return to the house.

"Thank you." Richard said and this made her stop. "And thank. Hmm. My ally."

This remark earned him a smile, the largest and most illuminating he had received from her, it lit up her entire face and her eyes appeared more brilliant because of it. This time when Nell passed into the house Richard was pleased, it had been on good terms, he was strangely impressed with himself.


	5. The Loss

A few hours later Richard was sat in a chair in his room when Lydia opened the door and showed in a young man. Jimmy entered looking grave with purpose and his eyes immediately start scanning his friend from head to foot. He walked close to Richard and his eyes swept over the circumference of his head.

"You're looking pale Richard." Jimmy said with mild annoyance. "You alright?"

"I'm. Hmm. Well enough. But my legs. Won't always do. What I tell them." Richard explained.

"The old lady said you can stay here as long as you like."

"No. I. Hmm. Have stayed too long. Already." Richard explained and then he felt the one question he could ask only Jimmy appear on the tip of his tongue. "Will you. Hmm. Will you help me. Get home?"

"Of course I will." Jimmy replied.

"I need. To rest. A little more. Then I. Hmm. Will be back to normal. I'm sorry."

"The only fellas that should be sorry Richard are the ones that did this. And they will be." Jimmy promised, his voice thick with vengeance.

"Their names were. John and Paul. Not much help but…"

"Wait!" Jimmy interrupted. "A bald fella and a thick set one?"

"Yes."

"I know them, I don't know who they work for these days. But I can sure as hell find them. You ready to go now?" Jimmy asked.

Richard nodded and very soon, sooner then he would have liked he was thanking Lydia for her help and then being ushered into a car driven by one of their associates. As they drove away Richard watched the house he had spent the last few days in grow smaller and smaller. But before it disappeared completely he turned his head to face Jimmy not wishing to look sentimental. Jimmy would not have noticed, he was clearly musing over his next move.

Jimmy stayed with Richard for half an hour, making sure he was settled and had everything he needed.

"I'll drop in tomorrow." He explained.

"No need. Hmm. I will walk. To you."

Jimmy tapped his friend on the shoulder.

"That's what I like to hear."

The sound of Jimmy's receding footsteps were the fixation of Richards hearing and once they had vanished he realised that once again he was back alone in his room. There was no one nearby to help or to talk with. He never wanted to show weakness in front of Jimmy but this time it had cost him perhaps one last pleasant evening in good company. Looking over to the desk he saw the scrapbook he kept and a few books piled up. This was the evidence of his existence, if you took away his guns; this room was all he had of his own. He thought back to those two women who chose to rally together and help each other through existence and he envied them.

When Richard next saw Jimmy it was indeed due to his own efforts, he walked to Jimmy's house. His legs had not failed him and though a little wobbly at first he eventually made fairly good speed and time. Jimmy sat at the table and had Richard take the seat opposite, as usual. In front of him Jimmy had a piece of brown paper wrapped around and object, he pushed it across to Richard. Upon opening it Richard found two thumbs and two index fingers.

"Taken off each of their shooting hands." He explained.

Richard appeared a little agitated at the offering but he was not squeamish, rather he worried of Angela or Tommy seeing them.

"Angela has taken Tommy for ice cream." Jimmy assured him seemingly able to read his friends concern.

"Did you. Hmm. Kill them?" Richard asked.

"I don't know, depends if they recover I suppose."

"Thank you." Richard replied, what else could you say to such an act in this violent existence they shared.

"It should bring whoever was trying to poach Greenall out of the woodwork anyway."

"So. Hmm. What now?"

"I think we'll pay a visit to Greenall together this time. We can handle any other business together can't we?" Jimmy said with a smirk, a smirk that made Richard feel better and uneasy.

Richard nodded and all at once became conscious of the colt in his jacket, this time he would have it to hand ready, he would never give a situation the benefit of the doubt again. It could be a mistake that would cost him his life.

When Angela had returned with Tommy Richard had seized the opportunity of a few moments alone with her. He needed her advice, he wished to repay the kindness of the ladies who took care of him but he wasn't sure how to go about it. Angela had smiled and given Richard instructions on what flowers to ask for at a florist. When he looked nervous Angela told him to come again the next morning and they would go together. Jimmy then shouted for Richard and off they went to try and secure Greenall for themselves.

…

"Mr Harrow, they are beautiful." Lydia exclaimed with surprised when she answered the door. "You really did not need to."

"It is. Hmm. The least, I could do. Thank you. Hmm. For all. Your help."

"I see you've got some for Nell too. I don't expect to see her again today but she lives five doors down on the right, number 26."

"Thank you."

"Do you need a chair for a moment or anything?" Lydia asked kindly. Richard took her offer, more for the company than the need for a chair.

"Did you report your attack to the police?" Lydia asked, though she knew full well from the look of Jimmy Darmody that Richard worked with people who enforced their own laws.

"In a way."

"And the headaches?"

"Gone. Almost. Hmm. I can clean the wound. Myself. Now." He replied, relaxing into the chair. "Sleeping. Is getting. Easier."

"I'm a light sleeper by nature, the slightest noise and I'm awake." Lydia explained.

"I know. What you mean." Richard said in a low tone, a tone that spoke of a much graver reason than his words did.

"Did you fight in the war Richard?"

Richard said nothing, but lowering his head a little he nodded.

"A terrible thing, in fifty years people won't believe it ever happened." Lydia realised that the war was not something Richard could talk about and she wisely changed her topic. "Do you know Elsa would not stop talking about you this morning, she was very sad she had missed you."

Richards head rose again and he looked at her, his face seeming to smile slightly.

"You'll likely see her when you drop the flowers in." Lydia continued. "And if you think you've knocked me down with a feather with your gift, wait till you see Nell's reaction. I don't think she's ever had flowers in her life."

"It must. Hmm. Be hard for her. Sometimes." Richard suggested and Lydia nodded.

"We do alright, Elsa's father sends money every month but Nell won't take a cent of that for herself."

Richard started to understand and it made him sad. Elsa, very likely was the product of some short relationship and now Nell was left with the entire responsibility. He admired her resolution not to be completely kept by whoever this man was, but also that she was not so proud as to make her daughter suffer for it. Lydia noticed Richard contemplating her words and worrying he was thinking badly of Nell she continued.

"It's all a very strange business, very sad in fact. I won't go into particulars but Nell has done her best, it was suggested that she leave Elsa but she wouldn't. She takes in sewing and does this and that to pay her way, all his money goes on Elsa."

Richard was not exactly embarrassed but he had no real experience to judge the circumstances, he only knew some men stood by their responsibilities such as Jimmy and others didn't. Getting up he decided it was time to make his second delivery. Lydia offered him a hearty goodbye and an affectionate squeeze of the hand as he left.

He made his way to the house that she had indicated, this approach had been at a slower speed and he was a lot more nervous. Today was a first for him; apart from his mother he'd never bought anyone flowers, certainly not for a young woman. There was nothing romantic to it but then he had occasionally felt that pull towards her. Now with new knowledge of her he felt an even greater admiration and respect for her, truth be told he even felt a very small twinge of affection. He tapped on the door, but no answer came, tapping again the door still did not open.

Disappointment replaced the nervousness, he had been all worked up but ready to conquer this new experience and now she wasn't at home. Placing the flowers on the porch he reluctantly started to walk away, hoping with every step to hear her appear from somewhere and call after him, but soon he was far away and no call had come. Now he had no reason to see her again, he had no reason to see any of them again and he was sorry. And he would be sorry for a few days after too.


	6. Discomfort

_**Authors notes: This chapter is set on the same day as when Richard left the flowers, I split it in two as the chapter was just too long. Hence the double update today.**_

**Chapter 5**

_Dear Miss Byrne,_

_I would be grateful if you could come to my offices at 12 o'clock tomorrow. I have some information that may be of use to you._

_Nucky Thompson_

Nell sat still holding this letter the following day as she waited to be shown in, bewildered was not the word to describe how she was feeling. She lived a quiet existence and why a man such as Nucky Thompson would be interested in her was a little frightening to say the least. She was shown in and saw the well known face of Atlantic city seated at his desk, pristinely dressed as always. Nucky rose and leant over to take her hand in greeting.

"Thank you for coming to see me Miss Byrne." He said business like.

"I… you're welcome." Was all she could think to say.

"Please sit down."

She acquiesced and yet found herself only sitting on the edge, there was no way she could become relaxed in this office.

"Now Miss Byrne, I had a letter recently from an associate of mine who lives in Philadelphia. His name is Mr Henry Warren, is that name familiar to you?"

"Vaguely, I believe he is an uncle of mine by marriage." She said slowly.

"Well your uncle seems to have learned that he has family in Atlantic City and is keen to know you, he asked me to find out where you lived and attain whether you would be willing to see him."

"I cannot go to Philadelphia." She answered.

"There would be no need, he is staying here for a time to conduct some business. In fact, he is in the adjoining room. May I call for him?"

This was all too much but Nell found herself nodding merely out of deference but inside she wanted to run from the room. She had barely known her aunt and had contented herself with having no family and no family's interference, the last thing she needed was an uncle sticking his nose in.

Henry Warren, or Harry as he preferred entered with an immediate air of self importance that manifested itself in a swagger. He was likely expecting to find a poor, run down little niece but what he was faced with was far from his expectations.

"You are Eleanor, my late wife's niece?" He asked, stepping near to her and inspecting her far too thoroughly for her liking.

"Yes."

"How did you come to live here? I thought you lived in New York with your parents after you all emigrated?"

Nucky here allowed them to be alone and this only increased Nell's uneasiness.

"There is a better chance to work here." She replied shakily. Warren brought his hand to her chin and turned her head upwards so her eyes and face could not hide from his scrutiny. His face spoke of an expression that one did not look upon a relation with.

"You're very pretty."

"Thank… you… sir."

"Harry please." He said smoothly.

"I'd prefer Mr Warren."

"Well I shall call you Nora if that's alright?"

"As you wish." She replied quickly, little caring what he called her, she only wished to get this interview over with and be out of his presence.

"The fact is Nora, I want to help you."

"I don't need any help; I thank you for the thought but…"

"I'm here conducting business and I imagined I could perhaps employ you somewhere but have you ever thought of being a girl on a fellows arm? I'd be honoured to have you on mine."

"Again… it's kind of you but… I couldn't… I don't want to be pitied or… anyway I can't I already have a job and responsibilities…"

"You're not married though are you?"

"No." She winced.

"Then what responsibilities?"

"I have a daughter and I will not leave her with strangers so I can go to parties." Nell replied, the threat of her lifestyle changing causing her to become braver in her speech.

"A daughter? Oh I see, you poor child…"

"And I don't imagine you would want a niece on your arm, I daresay there are far more… suitable women you are acquainted with…"

He stepped closer and took her hands in his, squeezing them playfully and adopting a mock grave tone.

"My, my you do have a negative first impression of me… besides you're not my niece, you're my late wife's. We are not related at all."

"Marriage usually causes one to become related…"

"Tell me about your daughter?"

"No." She said at last, snapping at the discomfort of his presence became too much. "I thank you for taking an interest but I do not need any help…"

"So that means the fellow pays his way?"

Nell moved away, turning her back to him. She would not discuss the matter, least of all with this vile man. But she felt him come up behind her, invading her space.

"Does he still visit?"

She moved away again, this time towards the door. Warren gave way to a small chuckle and throwing his arms out wide he shouted.

"Forgive me, i'm just having a little joke, you wouldn't begrudge me that."

"I would not begrudge you anything Mr Warren, for I do not know you enough to care." She said angrily and she left the room before he could say another word. Warren chuckled to himself again; he liked a girl with spirit, especially pretty ones. It usually boded promise in other departments.

"You will though." He said quietly to himself.

…

Angela Darmody watched as mother and daughter chatted to one another, she was greatly surprised that the child sat so still. This was the second time she had been sketching Elsa and would soon be able to start painting. The truth was, she had called Nell back under the pretence of sketching her daughter, but in truth it was Nell herself that had become Angela's muse. Today though Nell seemed a little preoccupied, Angela could always spot someone forcing good humour when they felt little. It was a skill she had learnt herself in the past.

As her hand guided the pencil, she captured the eyes, the curve of the cheek and the cupids bow of Nell's mouth. She was a pleasure to draw, though this time there would be a sadness in her eye that the previous sketches did not include. At times Angela joined the conversation and she came to see the fruits of Nell's hard work in the happiness and intelligence of Elsa. When the sitting had ended Angela hid the three rough sketches of Nell and brought the others of Elsa to show her. It was Elsa herself who chose the one she wished Angela to paint and it was agreed Nell should call back in a week to collect the picture she insisted on paying for.

Once they had left Angela concealed the other sketches amongst other varied work and in time forgot she had ever done them.


	7. A Familiar Face

**Chapter 6**

_**Two months later.**_

Jimmy was always supportive of his wife's artistic streak, but when it came to space Angela's artistic streak was taking over the house. They decided she must sort through her work but Jimmy did not seem up to this task and had jokingly suggested she should ask Richard. So Angela did just that. Knowing Richard had a large appreciation for her work she was delighted when he agreed to help her and they decided on an afternoon to complete the task. Jimmy was also incredibly grateful to his friend and headed out to leave them to it.

When Richard arrived he found every bit of available space was covered with sketches, she had left a small path so he would be able to get through the door but that was it.

"You can see why Jimmy wants me to sort them, I didn't realise I had done so many." Angela said with a smile and she fancied she saw a slight smile from Richard in return. The ones of Tommy were easily decided on and she soon found there were many drafts that she could easily throw on the fire. After half an hour she stopped to make them both some coffee, she was now able to persuade Richard to take some at her house but she would always leave the room so while he drank it. Whilst she prepared the drinks Richard continued to look over her past work, he always enjoyed discussing this with Angela. Art didn't interest him in general but Angela's talent made her an exception, he put it down to the fact they were friends so he had a reason to care. As his eye skimmed over the work his eyes were drawn to a familiar face, at first he wasn't sure but picking it up and examining it closer there was no mistaking it. It was Nell Byrnes face.

Angela returned and placed the cups down, pleased Richard was taking a closer inspection and drawing near him she noticed the picture in question.

"Oh I forgot about these, yes I did a few of her." She explained and pointed one or two other's out to Richard.

"When. Hmm. Did you do them?" He asked.

"Not long after your accident, she asked me to paint her daughter but I took a few sketches of her too. She didn't know, I thought she'd get embarrassed."

Placing one drawing down Richard examined the others and the next to capture his attention was one of Nell where her hair was different, it had come looser at the time this picture was drawn and it suited her better. The sad look Angela had captured did not escape him either and he found his heart go out to her a little, how could it not after her kindness to him?

"Was she. Hmm. Not well here?"

"I think she was preoccupied." Angela answered. "I think I have one or two of Elsa as well."

Angela searched and found the ones she spoke of and showed them to Richard, he placed them flat on the table with the ones of Nell and he looked at them for some time. So long in fact that Angela asked.

"Would you like one or two of them?"

Richard snapped out of his observations and moved away, a little embarrassed but Angela came close to him and brought him back.

"Which ones would you like?" She asked softly. "I didn't want to embarrass you."

Richard didn't know, he easily decided on the picture of Elsa but he was at a quandary when it came to the ones of Nell. One some she looked so happy, those eyes he had marvelled at looked clear and wide, but then he found himself struck by the way her hair fell on the others though the sad expression was painful to observe.

"You. Hmm. Captured them. Very well."

Angela picked up one of each of Nell and one of Elsa and handed them to Richard.

"There's no need to choose between them now." She said kindly and she watched as Richard took them from her and held onto them not quite sure what to do. Angela held out a larger piece of paper she had folded in half and instructed him to place them within it.

"That way Jimmy won't see."

"Thank you."

…

Richard walked along the street not really taking in his surroundings, it was one of those walks to nowhere in particular that intended to clear his mind. All that was about him seemed busy and uncaring about his presence so he just concentrated on the rhythm his own footfall made and he tried not to think. The sky was bright blue and he imagined the beaches would be crowded today, such a gathering made him shun the sea, he could cope with its indifference but not peoples.

But suddenly as his eyes focused a little he saw a porch coming up on his left and on the steps he saw someone stood as though waiting for him. At first the sun was in his eye and he could not make out anymore than a silhouette but finally the rays were kind and relented. And there she stood, her pale blue skirt flapping lightly in the breeze and her hand resting on the rail.

He suddenly felt scared, like he wanted to run away but his feet betrayed him and made him keep on walking till at last he was before her, she a little higher than him because of the steps. Her hair was smartly done up at the back, but the breeze had released a few tendrils to flutter against her neck and their chocolate depths shone in a velvety sheen. Slowly he climbed one step, his face more or less level with hers and she looked at him, those big, deep eyes seducing him with their gentleness.

Self consciously he brought his hand to his face and felt the cool tin of his mask beneath his callous fingertips. It saddened him and he looked down, ashamed for her to see him this close but he felt that familiar hand go to his shoulder and rest there softly. It remained there until he dare look up again and when he did their eyes locked for a moment and then she turned and opened the door of the house. He followed her in, desperately wanting to speak, to tell her he'd not forgotten her but she let him pass then slowly closed the door behind him. He turned around to look at her, to marvel at her, she was so beautiful to him it was painful. She took a step closer and his heart lurched, his palms felt clammy and his mouth dried up of words he urgently wanted to say. Her hands moved to either side of his neck and the finger ends weaved together at the back and she took another step closer, her light breath blowing against his face. His stomach fluttered and every hair seemed to stand on end with longing. He heard the fabric of her dress rustle slightly as it brushed against his jacket, then slowly, ever so slowly she brought her lips to his and kissed him.

Time seemed to stop, the delicious, softness of her lips and the pressure seemed to linger for an age, but they were the catalyst of a strange surge of joy. Her hands slipped behind his neck pulling herself closer to him and she continued to kiss him. He found his own hands coming up and gently resting on her waist and he returned her kiss with fevered tenderness. Ever so slowly he backed her a few paces till her back touched the wall, she relaxed against it and his body pressed against hers. She gave a sort of sigh against his mouth and this grip on her waist tightened but their loving kiss continued lazily. At last he broke it and he felt himself be pulled into an embrace where his head went to the crook of her neck and he rested his forehead on her shoulder. He inhaled the scent of her and revelled in the warmth of her as she hugged him a little tighter and he felt like he'd arrived somewhere at last.

Then came the cruellest waking since the time he'd frightened Emily, his imagination decided he'd had enough bliss filled dreams for one sleep. There was nothing harsher than his own mind, it seemed to treat him worse than anyone else. Why would he do this to himself he thought angrily? He sat up abruptly, running his hands through his hair, his body heavy with disappointment and aching for affection and love. How he wanted to be enveloped in the arms of a woman who loved him.

He was now in a black mood and he knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep, he wanted to jump into a deep pond or lake and chill away this hope and if he was lucky to never resurface. He got up and paced his room a few times, not bothering to put his mask on. Finally he turned on the lamp and the light was a little bit more comforting than the blackness of night time. He stood for a moment and collected himself then looked towards his desk, there lay his Bible. His head bowed and he shook it but then resolved to sit before the work of his own torture and hope. He flicked through quickly; not paying much attention to a lot of his own work but stopped when he reached that of Angela's.

On parallel pages were the sketches of Elsa and Nell, his fingers touched the one of the small child, the little elf who had called him her 'friend' when they had barely spoken. What kind of father would not want to know such a lovely child? This started to make him angry and so his eyes moved over to the picture of Nell. He looked at the sadness in her eyes and an overwhelming urge to protect her filled him. He knew what loneliness and sadness was, he knew about the vicious twists of fate and never wished those evils on anyone. But even in sadness she was so lovely to behold, everything about her seemed tailor made to draw him to her in the many ways that pull a man to a woman. Richard had not forgotten her or any little kindness she'd showed him but until the picture was put before him earlier today he had not allowed himself to dwell on her for long. Yet here he was dreaming of her waiting for him, to pull him into her arms with love and acceptance. Her touch had churned up feelings he hadn't felt in a long time and now he longed for even such small things again. She would never look at him like that he thought, no one could look at him and choose him willingly, his only chance would be for her to see something inside of him. But he wasn't sure there was anything inside either. So what was to be done? Picking up the scrapbook Richard returned to lying on his bed, holding it up so he could examine it and dreaming of how they would meet again.


	8. Bolt all the Doors

**Chapter 7**

"Fucking hell!" Jimmy said banging his fist on the table, scattering a few things across the floor and causing Angela to jump. He flung himself into a chair and put a hand over his eyes trying to calm himself. Gillian and Richard stood quietly waiting and Angela neared Jimmy and put her hand on his shoulder.

Jimmy's hand came to rest on his wife's and then he got up, Gillian moved close to him but he passed her as though she were invisible, this irritated her but pleased Angela. Moving nearer to Richard Jimmy said hoarsely.

"What the fuck is this guy Warren after? That's the third person he's poached from us in two months, how many men is Nucky getting to run for him. He must be making it worth his while… he's come from Philadelphia."

"What. Hmm. Do you. Want to do?" Richard asked.

"I don't know. I'll need to think."

"Jimmy darling." His mother cooed, nearing him again. "You'll figure this out."

"We just need a new route to run that's all." Jimmy surmised. "This is Atlantic city there's plenty of people need supplyin'."

"We could take. Out. Hmm. Some more of his men." Richard suggested. "Or put. Pressure on his buyers."

"I think Jimmy just needs some time to think. Alone." Angela said and this was pointed more at Gillian than Richard. Gillian left looking even more irritated but Angela walked Richard to the door. "I'll calm him down, he can think then."

Richard nodded and left, the afternoon now being more at his leisure than he imagined. An idea came to him, he would visit Lydia Moss to see how she was. As she suffered infirmity he was certain it wouldn't look so ridiculous him turning up out the blue. The truth was, despite his recent dream he longed to spend time in accepting company. Jimmy and Angela accepted him, but they were a unit, he didn't belong there. Besides there was all the 'business' tied up with him and Jimmy, the business he often yearned to get away from for a moments respite. Richard felt foolish for taking such a ridiculous step, why would this woman even want to see him? Who was he to anyone? Then a small part of him, a frequently silenced part seemed to sneak up and dominate him, persuading him to try. He walked to Lydia's street and tapped on the door, at first there was no answer but then a voice said.

"Who is it?"

"Hmm. It's Richard. Mr Harrow."

He heard the sounds of the turn in the lock and a bolt slide backwards. The door opened slightly and a suspicious looking Lydia peered round the door, she looked wan and exhausted but on seeing it was really him she looked relieved.

"This is a pleasant surprise." She said opening the door fully but checking up and down the street. "I never expected to see you."

"You don't. Hmm. Mind?" He asked nervously, his feet fighting not to turn around and leave. "I know. It has. Been. Hmm. Some time."

"Come in."

It didn't escape Richard's notice how she meticulously bolted and locked the door again behind him. He watched as the world weary lady shuffled to a seat and the look of pain on her face as she slid in to it.

"How are you my dear?" She asked.

"Hmm. Well enough. And. Yourself?"

"Not so good Richard, a lot of trouble. Sit yourself down though, you're a welcome respite."

"Is there. Hmm. Anything I can. Help you with?"

"Look around you, what do you see?"

Richard did look around and he saw a few boxes and various items of clothes hung about to dry. It looked a far cry from the tidiness of his previous visit.

"Nell and Elsa are currently living here, she isn't quite settled yet. It was rather a sudden scheme." Lydia explained.

"Hmm. For what. Reason?" Richard asked.

"She's not safe in her home anymore. It came to a pitch this week. Some thugs tried to bundle her and Elsa into a van."

Richard sat forward a little and cocked his head paying full attention encouraging her to continue. Lydia was extremely agitated, the more she communicated her troubles the worse she became, but Richard saw she needed to speak.

"Well then some other men turned up and started shooting at these men, then I get a knock at the door and poor Elsa is being carried by Nell, both in tears, absolutely terrified. Straight behind them is the man who's been causing the trouble trying to force his way in."

"I don't. Quite. Hmm. Follow?"

"Well there's this man, supposedly Nell's uncle and well they met a few months ago and she said she didn't want his help but he's pushing and pushing, now we've got other men who don't like him trying to get Nell because they know she's his relation. And that's not even the worst bit…." Lydia said her voice start to choke up but she leaned forward and in a lower tone said. "He tells Nell he's in love with her, he wants her to be his… you know… mistress but she won't have it. I don't know what to do, i'm petrified."

Richard could feel his innards boil, his mind recalled the sad expression on the sketch of Nell and he imagined it heightened to the point of despair and he felt furious. He struggled to remain composed in the chair.

"But he's a powerful man and Harry Warren always gets his way the saying goes but Nell refuses to give in. He's been visiting often and she's frightened so she's moved in here so she's never alone in the house. The trouble is I'm not well, my nerves can't take it and then there's Mr Luxor when he finds out…"

"Mr Luxor?" Richard asked.

"Elsa's father, Nell was up the entire night it happened writing to him to explain and to ask for help. What he'll say I don't know. Poor Elsa is so frightened she can't sleep and Nell hasn't slept in days."

Richard instinctively put out his hand and rested it on the old lady's, she looked at the hand and then at his concerned face.

"You must let me. Hmm. know the next. Time. Anything happens." He said hoarsely.

"No. I couldn't bother you, you hardly know us…"

"I owe. You. A deal. Hmm. Of gratitude." He continued persistently and taking a pencil from his pocket he wrote down his address. "That is. My. Address."

"These are powerful men Mr Harrow, I don't know what you can do?"

…..

When Richard related this conversation to Jimmy, his friend seemed to take more pleasure in this knowledge then he did.

"That's our way in." Jimmy explained.

"The man. Is. Fucking. Hmm. Frightening her. Jimmy." Richard growled and his anger surprised Jimmy.

"I know they are friends of yours and we'll protect them, that will help them and it will help us get back at Warren."

"There's hmm. Something else."

"What?"

"A name. Hmm. Meant nothing to me. But."

"What name?"

"Luxor."

"Charlie Luxor?" Jimmy asked, his voice dropping slightly.

"She didn't. Say. But hmm. He is the little girls. Father." Richard explained. "Have you. Hmm. Met him?"

"A few years ago with Nucky, before the war. He's a formidable guy in New York, so was she his mistress or something?"

"I'm not... hmm." Richard did not complete his sentence.

"Here's what you do, go back there and tell her you will stay for protection, we'll meet every day and I'll post someone to relieve you. That way we know when and with what he turns up with. You don't mind do you?"

"Hmm. I. No." Richard said awkwardly looking down, the stakes were very high. Richard turned and started to leave."

"Richard!" Jimmy shouted and he turned. "Take plenty of bullets."

Richard nodded and left Jimmy's house both men's views on this situation being incredibly different. He made a detour to his rooms and picked up some things, his larger gun and plenty of bullets, refilled his colt and made his way to Lydia's house. Every step that brought Richard closer to her door made his heart rate increase and his hand gripped the handle of his gun tightly. As he neared the house he felt himself being followed and taking advantage of a shadow he turned and caught the man off guard. With quick precision he placed a bullet through the mans head then continued on his way.

He knocked on Lydia's door and could hear Elsa crying inside hysterically. Nell's faint soothing voice could also be heard and he knocked again which increased the child's wails. They were afraid to answer.

"It's. Mr Harrow. Hmm. Open the door. It's safe. I promise." He said loudly and for a moment only Elsa's crying could be heard, then he heard quiet footsteps nearing the door and she peered through. Seeing the face of a man she had met months ago confused her but she was relieved it was no one worse. Again the locks and bolts were released. She opened the door and dragged him in. Elsa was huddled under the kitchen table and as Nell stepped back into the lamp light he saw her eyes were heavy and red from crying.

"I've come. To. Hmm. Help." He explained.

"But how did you know?"

"Where is. Hmm. Lydia?"

"She's gone, she packed up and left, took the money we had. She left a note saying she couldn't take it anymore and she was sure I'd get help." Nell reeled, her voice breaking. Richard wanted to comfort her but instead he went to the kitchen table and crouched down.

"Hello. Hmm. Do you. Hmm. Remember me?" He said to Elsa and the little girl nodded. He put out his hand and stroked her head. "Then. Hmm. Come out. You're safe with. Me."

Elsa hesitated for a moment but then crawled out from under the table and ran straight to her mother's embrace. Nell picked up her daughter and cradled her securely, pleased she was no longer crying. The little girls head buried itself in the crook of her mothers neck and she snuggled there as exhaustion took over her.

"Do you know about Mr Warren?" Nell asked.

"I do. Hmm. Has he been. today?"

"No. But there's often someone outside, he tells me it's to protect me after the other day but… I am terrified to leave the house and now Lydia's gone… of course I don't blame her but…"

Richard brought out his colt and showed her, she gave a sharp intake of breath but then a look of reassurance came on her face.

"Would you. Mind. If I stayed?" He asked.

"Not at all."

"It's. Hmm. Going to be. Alright."

"Why are you doing this?"

Richard gave no answer. Nell walked forward and she took his hand and squeezed it, he felt the quivering of her body and still saw fear deep set in her eyes, but her look softened a little and she said.

"Thank you so much. I'll go and sort Lydia's bedroom so it's fit for you to sleep in."

"I. Hmm. Had better. Sleep in here." Richard observed.

"Then I'll get you some things."

He watched her leave the room and his heart seemed to go with her, but now was the time to be practical and he set up a spot where he could see the door but not be as easily seen. When Nell returned some time later she was without Elsa and held a thick blanket in her hands.

"She will sleep now. It's strange, she used to be terrified of wolves, now it's men with vans." She said, her voice sounding tired.

"You should. Hmm. Get some sleep. Yourself." He replied softly. "Hmm. I will watch."

"Thank you." She said. "I knew he'd send help."

Richard understood, she believed he had come because Charlie Luxor had used his contacts in Atlantic City. He wanted to correct her but now wasn't the time, who knows what last little bit of hope he would crush by doing so. He took the blanket and for a brief moment their fingers touched again and it made him long to embrace her and console her, to really make her feel safe. What was this that was happening to him, she was still almost an unknown to him. He looked into her tired beauty, her hair roughly twisted onto her head and they shared a gaze for a moment, but turning she broke it and went to her bed. He longed for circumstances to be different so he would be following her to it, but it was not to be.


	9. Not quite Alone

**Chapter 8**

The night passed uneventfully, nothing to disturb or wake anyone. But the following day brought with it a very sensitive Elsa, she stayed glued to her Nell's side and Richard saw how hard Nell was trying not to get impatient with her. In between trying to get the house into some type of tidy order again, Nell had intervals where she and Elsa would play or make paper dolls. Richard could only watch from the sidelines and at times it felt as though he was not even there. But when evening drew in and Elsa seemed more settled, Nell took Richard to one side.

"I'm sorry I've not been quite myself today." She said, her tiredness evident in her voice. "I'm trying to keep everything together but I don't mean to exclude you."

"Hmm. Don't worry. Can I. Help. At all?" He asked, that deep gravel of his voice sending a strange shiver down her spine but she didn't show it.

"The fact you're here is help enough."

Nell went to put Elsa to bed, it was not long past 5 o'clock but the young girl was so sleepy she was easily led there. Richard went out onto the porch and skimmed over the street whilst there was still light. All seemed normal outside, other residents of the street seemed to go about their business and he went an unnoticed figure.

After some time he felt the dusk start to draw in around him and he returned to the warmth of the house. It looked a different breed from yesterday, more as he remembered during the time of his attack, but now there was no Lydia Moss. Richard felt some disappointment in her when he contemplated her fleeing her own house, but then she was not a well woman. But he struggled to imagine ever abandoning someone who meant anything to him, yet a thought came to him.

_You left Emma._

Yes he had, but he wasn't well then, he wasn't happy and at the end of the day Emma wasn't struggling or in trouble. She was a happy, healthy young woman who could command the affection of anyone, perhaps now she had captured the heart of some man and was to become his wife. No, she would have written and told him so, wouldn't she?

"Penny for your thoughts?" Nell asked, her voice breaking his train of thought and he looked to where she was standing in the doorway observing him.

"I was. Hmm. Just thinking. About. Hmm. My sister."

"You must be pleased to have some family."

"I don't. Hmm. See her. I haven't. Seen her. For a long time."

"I'm sorry. Does she live far?" Nell asked, coming nearer to him.

"Not too far. Hmm. Far enough."

A silence fell between them, a silence that Nell felt was drawing a line under the topic. There was no doubting that tint of sadness in Richard's eye when he mentioned his sister, but Nell guessed it was not fair to try and draw him out.

"I'm going to boil some water, would you like some for your room to bathe with?" She asked, moving to the stove.

"Thank you. Hmm. That would be. Very good." He replied and sitting down he watched her complete this task from start to finish. Nell didn't seem to mind him watching her; it was comforting to her in a way.

"Hmm. When did you. Emigrate from Ireland?" He asked at last.

"When I was ten years old. It was not a pleasant trip, my mother was sick for most of it. She died after only a few years of being here. Then my father went and so I used the little money we had and went to New York. I've been here twelve years and yet it feels like my whole life."

"Do you. Hmm. Not have any. Other family?" He asked.

"No, not here. I had two older sisters but they were some years older and were married before we left. I don't even know where they are in Ireland. My aunt who married Mr Warren died two years ago. I don't think the blood in my family can be very strong." She explained and her face dropped slightly, it seemed to be caught in a wave of painful nostalgia but she shook it off. "Where are you from Mr Harrow?"

"I was. Hmm. Raised in Wisconsin. Before the war."

"Lots of wide open spaces to play in." She added and he nodded at her. Nell wondered how anyone would find this man difficult company, he was clearly reserved and she suspected much traumatised from his experiences but he seemed very kind.

"Do you. Not. Become anxious. Hmm. Being on your own?"

"Not until recently, I crossed an ocean and moved from city to city. Circumstances do not frighten me, but people do."

"We will. Hmm. Soon resolve. That."

"Besides I'm not alone, I have Elsa and so long as I have her I'm content."

The water started to boil over and taking it she poured it into two jugs, bringing one over she handed it to Richard who took it in both hands.

"It's very basic here, I'm sorry." She apologised, part of him wanted to laugh. How did she imagine he lived? His own 'home' as it were was no bigger than the room they currently stood in. Nell picked up the other jug and they both wandered down the corridor to where the two bedroom doors were separated by a very basic bathroom.

"Good night Mr Harrow." She said gently and again he nodded at her.

"Hmm. Good night."

He watched as she quietly opened the door of the room she resided in and closed it gently behind her. Richard stood in the corridor a moment, taking in the loss of her presence and found the warmth of the jug strangely comforting. When he entered his own room he took off his mask and observed his face, he needed to shave and was glad of the water.

Sometime later he emerged from the room, feeling somewhat refreshed and he took up his position again with a good view of the door, his gun resting ready for when it was needed. But another night passed undisturbed and Richard was able to get fleeting moments of sleep.

"Mr Harrow." Her voice said softly and he imagined he was dreaming, but when her soft irish lilt spoke his name again he slowly opened his eye. In the dim light of the morning he found Nell looking down at him, his face stiff from sleeping in his mask. Nell's hair was freshly washed and hung heavy on her shoulders in damp waves. She was already up and dressed and aside from her hair she looked as she did any other day.

"Hmm. What time. Is it?" He asked.

"Six o'clock, but I thought you might like to rest in a proper bed now morning is here."

As he sat up properly his limbs proved as stiff as his face and he thought her suggestion was a good idea.

"Hmm. You don't. Mind?"

"Not at all. Only I was wondering, do you think we might… that is, would it be safe to take a trip into town for some things?"

"I will. Hmm. Accompany you."

"Once you have rested." She instructed. Richard got up and retired to the solitude of the room he was staying in, it was a relief to take off the mask and climb into a fairly comfortable bed. His heavy lid soon closed and he fell back to sleep.

When he snapped awake again later, his senses seemed heightened, his instinct became like that of an animal and he quickly grabbed for his mask. He moved to the door and opened it quietly, he heard two voices, one Nell's and the other that of a man. He quickly dressed and slowly made his way to the kitchen, listening intently.

"I have given a very bad impression of myself." The man said with every attempt at sounding sincere but not convincing Richard for one moment. "This has all got rather out of hand."

"I never asked for any of this, I am quite happy to continue by myself."

"But a young woman like yourself, alone, looking the way you do… it's rather a dangerous world…"

"I have done very well by myself so far." She interrupted. "And the danger only began the moment I met you."

"Yes… well, that is unfortunate. But men will always covet you my dear, you've such a fine figure…"

"Please don't, no one has ever spoken to me this way before…"

Her words were cut off by a small laugh from the gentlemen.

"Lately I have not been so ignorant of your past my dear. You say you have done well for yourself and I suppose in a way you have. I imagine Mr Luxor pays very well for your upkeep, though I think I could do better."

"Mr Luxor pays for his daughter; he does not pay for me. My dealings with him do not stray beyond Elsa's welfare."

Richard listened, he was now stood by the ajar kitchen door and it was only when a small hand gently tugged on his that he turned around with sharp silence and found Elsa stood next to him. He pressed his finger to his lips and she nodded, but her expression looked worried. She came close to him and pressed herself into his side, seeking security and his arm instinctively went about her shoulders.

"Nora, just hear me out. If you come and live with me, you can bring Elsa too. I will make you a rose in Atlantic City, you will be toasted at parties…"

"That would not prove a popular move on my part."

"But if you stay here, I cannot guarantee your safety from this gang that seek to ruin me… a man was found shot only doors away from your house the other day, how do you expect to protect yourself from that?"

"Mr Luxor I expect will send for me any day." She replied, her voice quivering slightly.

"Hmmm, why do I not believe you?"

As the conversation started to flounder Richard took hold of Elsa's hand and they both walked into the kitchen. It was here that Richard Harrow came face to face with Harry Warren for the first time. Warren's expression changed from the false charm he had adopted with Nell to a mixture of amusement and annoyance at seeing the younger mans presence.

"And who are you?" He asked.

"This is Mr Harrow." Nell explained. "He is staying here for a time."

"Can Mr Harrow not speak for himself?" Warren mocked, he watched Richard cock his head slightly to one side and observed how even with only one eye his gaze seemed harsh and fearless.

"Hmm. Yes." Richard said in a low tone.

"And what happened to you then?" Warren joked. "Or maybe I should ask the man who did that to you."

"Hmm. If you. Can. Find him." Richard replied in a tone that was flat, calm yet strangely menacing. His presence changed Warren's attitude, it had clearly derailed his plans somewhat.

"You want to be careful my dear." Warren said, turning his attention back to Nell. "You will get a name for yourself, it's nice that you care for invalids but there is a level."

Richard had neither time to speak nor act, for it was Nell who crossed the space between her and Warren and struck him as hard as she could across the face. Her eyes widened with anger and her chest heaved, she looked quite brilliant from where Richard stood though he felt Elsa burrow herself into his side again.

"I know exactly what you want to turn me into. I tell you this; I will _never _go with you. Now please leave."

Warren touched his cheek where a red mark was forming strong; he continued to stare at Nell, his face a mixture of fury and some far more sinister form of attraction. For a moment he stood defiant and Nell worried that any moment Richard would pull out his gun and that Elsa would become terrified. But wisdom seemed to cause Warren to exit the house but not before sharing an intense moment of eye contact with Richard, marking his face.

As soon as Warren disappeared it seemed every bit of energy drained from Nells body and she began to shake, her legs just got her to the nearby chair and she sank into it, her head in her hands. Richard let go of Elsa's hand and walked over to Nell, he took out a handkerchief he himself always carried but never needed and held it out to her. As she removed her hands from her face however he saw she was not crying, but the colour had vanished from her cheeks and her eyes seemed to dim a little. It was a worse sight then the thought of her tears.

"I don't know what came over me!" She said and she looked over to Elsa and opened her arms. Elsa dived upon the invitation and ran into her Nell's arms, receiving a kiss and a fierce embrace. "Are you alright my darling?"

Nell searched the child's face and perhaps saw a shared fear within her eyes, she then looked up to Richard who was observing her with an expression she couldn't really read.

"Thank you." Nell whispered to him, not really sure what she was thanking him for only knowing she seemed so grateful of his presence at this moment. "I lied just then. He won't ever send for us. We're on our own."

Richard did not speak at that moment, but his determination to find a solution for her seemed to become a powerful driving force that in its wake allowed some repressed feelings to break free.


	10. Too much Verse

**Authors Notes**

_**The story will pick up its pace after this chapter, I don't like rushing initial character development but now it's time for some events that will bring the story to a crisis point (and contain content that will be M rated). Thank you to Aerenii for her constant supportive reviews! This extra chapter tonight is for you.**_

**Chapter 9**

Richard returned to the house around dusk, he had passed one of Jimmy's associates near the house and gave him the nod that relieved him. Stepping into the house he heard Nell's voice quite nearby, he found her seated on the word chaise with Elsa cuddled next to her. Elsa's face burst into a huge smile and she sat up right.

"Thank goodness you have returned, this nymph has been making me read her long poems. She was determined not to go to bed until you were back." Nell explained seeming happy for the first time in days. Elsa clambered off her unceremoniously and walked over to Richard.

"We've had dinner." Said Elsa. "But mama saved some for you."

"I've had more to work with since our visit to town." Nell laughed lightly. "So it's fit to eat."

"Hmm. Thank you. Maybe. Later."

Nell understood that 'later' meant he would hide away in his room in case he appalled them with his eating.

"And now young miss." Nell announced. "It is time for you to go to bed."

"But you were just going to read me my favourite." Elsa said and she looked again at Richard and said. "It is my favourite."

"It is also one of the longest."

Elsa came up to Nell and gave her a winning look that warmed her heart, she had already relented before the child came over, she had promised after all.

"Very well. Providing Mr Harrow doesn't mind some verse."

Richard took up a chair nearby, glad to be able to sit down for it had been a longer journey back today. Nell patted the seat next to her and Elsa took her time getting comfy.

"This is Elsa's favourite, though there are far happier poems we could read." Nell said still wearing a smile of contentment, this short burst of happiness appearing to have done her good. She cleared her throat and began to read.

"_On either side the river lie_

_Long fields of barley and of rye,_

_That clothe the wold and meet the sky;_

_And thro' the field the road runs by_

_To many-tower'd Camelot;_

_And up and down the people go,_

_Gazing where the lilies blow_

_Round an island there below,_

_The island of Shalott._

_Willows whiten, aspens quiver,_

_Little breezes dusk and shiver_

_Thro' the wave that runs for ever_

_By the island in the river."_

_Flowing down to Camelot._

_Four gray walls, and four gray towers,_

_Overlook a space of flowers,_

_And the silent isle imbowers_

_The Lady of Shalott."_

As Nell continued to read, her soft lilt gave the verses a dream like quality and Richard found himself imagining the isle and the walls. He had in the past quite liked poetry, but he did not indulge in it these days though he held some poets words in his mind. Elsa also seemed to be imagining the vast sweep of land and the tall grey walls with their beautiful captive inside. Her eyes gleamed in the lamplight and with every verse she burrowed further into Nell in contentment.

"_There she weaves by night and day_

_A magic web with colours gay._

_She has heard a whisper say,_

_A curse is on her if she stay _

_To look down to Camelot._

_She knows not what the 'curse' may be,_

_And so she weaveth steadily,_

_And little other care hath she,_

_The Lady of Shalott."_

As Richard listened on he found himself now gazing upon the reader, his heart seemed to thump to the rhythm of her soft speech and it lulled him into an unusual kind of tranquillity. He found himself relying more upon the chair as he relaxed against its back, finding comfort there instead of with his usual even posture.

Something seemed to contain the three of them in a cocoon in that moment, the world outside that caused them worry and pain was temporarily banished. He forgot he was a half maimed killer who wore a mask, a lonely man who just wanted what everyone seemed to take for granted. Nell's eyes swept from line to line studiously and her voice read with the feeling of a much older soul than she was. The fullness of feeling seemed more present in her face now as she read than it ever had done before. His eye went to her mouth and the words seemed so much more beautiful because of the lips they birthed from.

"_All in the blue unclouded weather_

_Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,_

_The helmet and the helmet-feather_

_Burn'd like one burning flame together,_

_As he rode down to Camelot._

_As often thro' the purple night,_

_Below the starry clusters bright,_

_Some bearded meteor, trailing light,_

_Moves over still Shalott._

_His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;_

_On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;_

_From underneath his helmet flow'd_

_His coal-black curls as on he rode,_

_As he rode down to Camelot. _

_From the bank and from the river_

_He flashed into the crystal mirror,_

_"Tirra lirra," by the river _

_Sang Sir Lancelot._

_She left the web, she left the loom;_

_She made three paces thro' the room,_

_She saw the water-lily bloom,_

_She saw the helmet and the plume,_

_She look'd down to Camelot._

_Out flew the web and floated wide;_

_The mirror crack'd from side to side;_

_"The curse is come upon me," cried_

_The Lady of Shalott."_

Richard felt the impending sadness of the poem pull him a little from a place he almost forgot existed in side of him. Perhaps it was not just the content, but the entire experience they were encased in, the fact that he found himself unable to help feel a growing, intense affection the two people he looked upon here. It unsettled him and almost angered him, he was here to do a job, yet hadn't he hoped for her company? Right now he could be betraying these feelings so he pulled himself taut in the chair and attempted to steel the feeling he was experiencing, he had to for that is how he survived.

"_Lying, robed in snowy white_

_That loosely flew to left and right-_

_The leaves upon her falling light-_

_Thro' the noises of the night_

_She floated down to Camelot;_

_And as the boat-head wound along_

_The willowy hills and fields among,_

_They heard her singing her last song,_

_The Lady of Shalott."_

Nell happened to look over towards Richard for a moment, she felt Elsa long ago relax into slumber on her lap yet she had kept on reading. She loved this poem and its tragic dream, but on looking over at Richard she found him unaffected and uncomfortable and it saddened her. She stopped reading and closed the book, placing it on the floor beside the chaise.

"The nymph sleeps." She said quietly and cradling the young girl in her arms she got up and took her to bed. She was gone for some time and Richard assumed she had likewise gone to bed. He had been sad when she'd stopped, in attempting to mask one thing he had clearly falsely displayed another. Her words had flowed seamlessly until she happened to look upon him and there she had ceased. There is a price to pay for secrecy he realised but the military part of him pronounced it a job well done, danger had been avoided.

He was deep in thought when she re-entered and she was so close to him before he realised that he gave a start. It was not fear that had caused such a reaction, but the alteration in her appearance. Her hair that had long transfixed him and been freed and now flowed past her shoulders in its velvet glory. It framed her face to perfection and he found he looked at her momentarily dumbfounded. But he pushed down the awe and the admiration; he boxed it in inside a dark corner of himself to revisit later when he was alone. He was determined to only be as was the usual.

"Sound asleep." Nell explained and she began tidying round the few bits belonging to Elsa that were scattered about the room.

"Hmm. What about. You?"

"She is a very difficult bedfellow, she moves about more than she does in the day."

Nell sat down on the chaise again, her shoulders drooped and her hands rested on her lap. There was silence between them, a silence that neither intended to stretch the length of time it did.

"Did you ever imagine..." She began at last. "That you would end up here? Not this house, but this place?"

"Hmm. No."

"When I moved to New York I seemed to lose that ability to choose what direction I took. It seemed the current picked me up and I've just be carried along ever since."

"I didn't. Hmm. Really know. What I was doing. Then. I met Jimmy."

"And do you know now why you're here in Atlantic City?"

"I suppose. Hmm. I followed. Him." Richard said, his head cocked a little. There was a silence again and Nell took in this mysterious man before her, she wasn't really sure what went on in his head. He seemed to not quite dare to ever be fully present wherever he landed, like he was afraid to step into the foreground.

"Now you're here then, are you happy?"

"Hmm. I don't. Really. Consider it."

"I think maybe we have both been picked up by a current." She said, her head resting on her hand as she propped her arm on the back of the chaise. "I've found myself in the middle of a confluence without realising, like everywhere I turn there's other rivers running into mine."

Nell seemed to gain a distant look as he momentarily lost her; the glaze of her eye allowed him a good, long moment to watch her. A man, he felt who was seated opposite her would have leant forward and kissed her, softly reminding her of the here and now. He couldn't do it though, however nice she was to him the spell would break if he tried for any affinity with her. Instead he considered what she was saying until her own quiet laughter which took on a self depreciating tone escaped her lips. She had a sad smile on her face and ran her fingers through her hair. He watched as she hypnotically stroked through the silken strands.

"I like you Mr Harrow." She said, her voice hardening though she did not direct any anger towards him. "You give nothing away, whereas I've given almost everything away."

Richard didn't know what to say, he knew what he felt at that moment but there were no words worth saying. He thought she was lucky though, she had her beauty and her youth whatever had happened to her, whereas he had had it stolen from him when trying to defend others. Yes, she was lucky indeed. But he knew he needed to rouse her from this melancholy if he could and so he asked.

"How does. Hmm. The poem end?"

She looked up at him a moment and surveyed him, then leaning forward she picked up the book and flicked to the page of the poem. Nell eye's drifted over the verses for a moment before she rose and handed the book to him.

"Forgive me." She said flatly. "But I'll let you finish it. I think poetry has made me romanticise my troubles somewhat, how silly of me. Good night Mr Harrow."

Richard listened to her footfall and the closing of her bedroom door and he felt strangely uneasy about how they had gone from a moment of happiness to a moment of melancholy. He looked back down to the poem and read the final verses.

_Heard a carol, mournful, holy,_

_Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,_

_Till her blood was frozen slowly,_

_And her eyes were darken'd wholly, _

_Turn'd to tower'd Camelot;_

_For ere she reach'd upon the tide_

_The first house by the water-side,_

_Singing in her song she died,_

_The Lady of Shalott._

_Under tower and balcony,_

_By garden-wall and gallery,_

_A gleaming shape she floated by,_

_Dead-pale between the houses high,_

_Silent into Camelot._

_Out upon the wharfs they came,_

_Knight and burgher, lord and dame,_

_And round the prow they read her name,_

_'The Lady of Shalott' _

_Who is this? and what is here?_

_And in the lighted palace near_

_Died the sound of royal cheer;_

_And they cross'd themselves for fear,_

_All the knights at Camelot:_

_But Lancelot mused a little space;_

_He said, "She has a lovely face;_

_God in his mercy lend her grace,_

_The Lady of Shalott"._


	11. The First of his Kind

**Chapter 10**

Richard was awake in an instant, his senses raw and on high alert. He had been this way many times though today the danger was not so immediate, not so near. He sat up and listened, feeling with his hand for his gun. Two gunshots, he never mistook them. They had happened somewhere down the street, he guessed the distance right down to the yard. Standing up he took up a prime position and waited. There went another shot, a little nearer now, louder than before. Then a forth even nearer and with it came a peel of terror from an adjoining room. The forth shot had woke Elsa, the young child wailed in terror and Richard heard the faltering voice of Nell try and calm her. His grip on his gun intensified, for their sake he had to almost block out their fear and be ready for whatever was coming.

Silence fell for a minute or so and then gunfire was exchanged again, its pattern suggested the antagonists were struggling to hit one another out in the dark. Nell appeared in the doorway and he looked round, still keeping one ear on the events outside. Elsa called for Nell desperately, but Nell needed to know what was going on. Richard walked up to her and passed her, entering the room in which he stayed. When he emerged again he was carrying his long coat and shotgun and cautiously handed Nell his colt.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"You need to. Hmm. Lock the door. Behind me." Was all the answer she received as he put on his long overcoat and walking to the door he stepped out onto the porch, camouflaged by the darkness of the night. Nell barely watched him disappear into the inky blackness before she locked and bolted the door, her hands fumbling with the strain. A hysterical Elsa cried unbidden for her in the corridor and that forced Nell to ignore the violent shaking of her hand. She went to Elsa and sat on the floor of the corridor in a direct line of sight of the door. Elsa burrowed into her side, sobbing uncontrollably her tears seeping through Nells nightgown. The cold of the corridor started to nip at her and it only added to her shuddering. One arm was about Elsa protectively, the other hand had the gun resting flat on the floor.

Time passed, it seemed endless, an endless string of painful, hammering heartbeats and terrified imaginings. She fancied she heard distant noises but she could not tell if her mind was playing tricks on her. Suppose Richard was killed out there, what would happen then? Suddenly she found herself desperately aching with fear on his behalf rather than her own. The previous night she had concluded to herself he had not come from Luxor, for that man had neither written nor visited them since she asked for his help. Whatever reason had brought Richard Harrow to decide to protect her she didn't speculate about, but she was grateful. Now she found her eyes squeezed shut and she prayed to something somewhere that he would come back alive.

Elsa had virtually passed out from the exhaustion of her fear and now lay curled by Nell's side on the floor. Nell was now a tad freer to explore her own fears again, she imagined all sorts of hell awaiting them and all sorts of hope. At last there was a knock at the door and her heart lurched, paralyzed with dread she did not move and Elsa did not stir. The knock came again, a little more insistent and she slowly rose and taking the gun in her grip, though clueless on how to properly use it she walked to the kitchen.

"Who's there?" She squeaked, her voice cracking with pressure.

"Hmm. It's me. It's alright. Open the door."

She dived to the door and hurried to open it, Richard stepped in quickly and she slammed it shut behind him, fixing every lock and bolt. He saw the strain in her face, the terror in her eyes and her relief of seeing him. She moved to a chair and sat down, her head resting in her hands. All the energy seemed to leave her. Richard came over and sat opposite her and he waited for her to come around. Finally she looked up a little and happened to notice there was blood on the sleeve of his overcoat.

"Are you hurt?" She asked quietly.

"Hmm. No." He replied, looking at the same spot and back to her. He would not tell her that his knife had been returned to the sheath at his waist bloodied, how he had slammed it straight through a man's neck virtually pinning him to the wall. He didn't care or consider which side his victim came from, he was posing harm and he had to be dealt with. Nell seemed to think it was best not to consider where the blood came from.

"You took a risk going out there."

"They weren't. aware of me. Hmm. It made it easier." He explained and she pushed his colt across the table to him. "Are you. Hmm. Able to stand? Where is. Elsa?"

Nell hurried towards the corridor, she looked around and found Elsa was no longer there. Richard was close behind her, but he did not follow when she went into her room. Instead he went to his own to return his shotgun and knife and there he found an unexpected sight. Sleeping in his bed, her body curled up protectively into a ball was Elsa. Richard cocked his head and observed this sorry sight, for in her sleep Elsa looked weary and he felt a strange emotion cause his heart to sink as he beheld her. Yet he wondered, why had she chosen his bed and not Nell's? He took off his overcoat and burned the image of the sleeping child into his memory before he brought Nell to her. She immediately looked relieved, if a little mortified.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Hmm. It's. Alright."

"She feels safe with you here, I think that's why she did it."

"I am. Hmm. Her ally remember."

At first Nell couldn't recall but then the time on the porch with the glass of water returned to the forefront of memory and she almost smiled. Gathering Elsa up in her arms she took her back to her own room and tucked her in, the child did not stir. Richard returned to the kitchen, double checking peace and silence still reigned outside. When he heard her enter he turned suddenly, she looked more composed than before, just tired. She moved over to the chaise and sat down on it, he waited a moment before choosing to sit himself down as well.

"I don't know what brought you here Mr Harrow, but I can't tell you how much I feel I owe you…"

"I do . Like. That you are afraid."

"It amazes me that you do not seem afraid?" She said. "When I had that gun in my hand I was terrified I might have to use it."

"I have. Hmm. Spent so long. With a gun. In my hand. Hmm. It feels. Natural to me." Richard explained.

"Is that from your time in the war?" She asked, he nodded but did not speak. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to try and draw you out."

Richard considered for a moment, he didn't want to go back to that terrible past with her tonight, but part of him felt the need to connect with her through some of his reasoning.

"When I. Hmm. Recovered. I was not sure. What to do. I met Jimmy. And I still. Wasn't. Sure for a time. Hmm. But I think. If. I feel I'm fighting. For a reason. Then. I feel. Better. Having a gun. In my hand."

"I suppose, it's about having a purpose." She replied, she could not help but try to understand what his view of the world was and his place in it. Nell liked him, he was sad but so incredibly kind and when she looked at him seeing he was being so attentive it made her want to reach out to him. There was no pity in what she felt for him, she just felt herself drawn to him and she wanted to get to know him more and be a friend. Yet when she looked at him now, when she really looked at him, she wondered if friend was the right word. Was there something else building here that would be more clear if they weren't mixed up in all this business?

He saw that she was shaking and taking off his jacket he quietly placed it round her shoulders. Nell at first was still deep in thought but when his actions brought her to the present she realised how close he was and she was a little overwhelmed by him. She had never known anyone like him, it didn't seem like he had any modus operandi, he just acted in his own way.

The closeness of him to her had such an effect on Richard he had trouble masking it. How he wanted to pull her to him and tell her he would never let anything happen to her or Elsa. But this was not the dream in his head; this was the reality that shunned him. He would never have what he wanted, he knew that and at this close proximity to something he was growing more and more fond of it hurt. Richard moved away for his own good and took a moment to check all was still clear from the window.

"You're very kind Mr Harrow." Nell said quietly.

"Do you. Hmm. Think. You might. Call me. Richard?"

"If you prefer that." She said lightly. The heaviness of the night's events brought about a tiredness in her eyes that started to overtake her. Nell got up and moved to where he was standing, she put out her hand and after a moments hesitation he took it in his. They faced one another for a moment, neither knowing what the other was silently saying. At last Nell spoke.

"I've met many handsome men in my time, they all proved to be as I imagined, haughty or selfish. And I have never a man who is also kind until now. I did not believe they existed."

Nell felt Richards grip on her hand intensify a little but she was watching his face and a look briefly passed over it that she didn't quite understand. At last he looked down and he let go of her hand but he didn't move away, the problem was she did not know what this meant and she was worried she had upset him. Richard was completely knocked off kilter, no one spoke to him with kindness except the Darmodys and let alone someone like Nell. Besides he could not understand the root truth of her words, handsome was for the men in sharp suits who beguiled women with their good looks. Women shunned him and he wore a mask to cover up the grotesque side of himself and hid all the rest under his skin that he tried his hardest to thicken.

Refusing to back peddle on what she had just said Nell touched Richards arm and said softly.

"Goodnight Richard."

She lingered only a moment and when Richard looked about him she was gone, but her affinity with him didn't seem to dissipate quite as quickly. Her words brought inner turmoil where hope, desperation, loneliness and the pursuit of happiness tried to overpower each other, none seeming to quite succeed. This had been a strange night, an uncertain night and a night that made his heart take a smaller step closer to her. It was a night that he would never forget. Those words would never be erased from his memory and they grounded his determination that he would not abandon her for anything.


	12. The Small Hours

**Chapter 11**

The last few nights had been quiet, but the presence of someone out there in the dark watching was always with Nell. She could never fully relax but the longer this went on the more determined she became to try and continue as normal as she could. This meant a few things, firstly she bathed Elsa in Lydia's large tin bath. She did not believe in looking shabby and Elsa in particular would never look dirty or untidy if she had anything to do with it. Nell would rise early and begin the long process of boiling the water then clean Elsa from tip to toe. She made a game of it so the little child would not see it as such a chore. But whilst Elsa looked pristine and beautiful on a daily basis, Nell's radiance was worn down with care.

Richard had noticed how she ate less than before and under her eyes a darkness began to gather and the colour seemed to seep away from her cheeks. Only one part of her never lost its brilliance and that was her hair, but she bound it up harshly on the back of her head and seemed to know she no longer looked as fresh and pretty as before. To Richard, her fatigue and worry was evident but it did not make her seem any less lovely in his eyes, he only wished to restore her former luminosity.

Elsa continued to crawl into Richards bed every night and every night Nell would carry her to their own bed. When Nell herself retired, her sleep was interrupted by the hot, vibrant Elsa and she would snatch a short spell then find herself awake at the small hours thinking. Realising that sleep was no longer a possibility she would rise and wrap herself in a robe and go into the kitchen or living area. Reading sometimes wiled away the hours but she found herself sat contemplating her past and it was not always the best place to visit.

On the first two nights Richard had heard her rise but had remained in his room. Nell has persuaded him to spend his nights sleeping in a comfortable bed rather than the cooling living space. But on the third night he rose, dressed himself enough to be decent and went to join her. Nell was sat with her feet resting on the chaise, her knees were drawn up a little and she hugged them with her arms. Richard's entrance did not startle her and she even greeted him with a small smile.

"Could you not sleep either?" She asked quietly.

"I. Hmm. Heard you. Get up." He replied. "It. Is not. The first night."

"I don't sleep deeply enough, Elsa has been keeping me awake."

"You should. Hmm. Take my room. I can. Sleep in here." He suggested kindly and she was touched by his idea but she shook her head.

"No thank you. It's important you get the best nights sleep."

Her tone suggested she did not want to discuss the matter further, she did not wish to banish him to night after night of uncomfortable sleep. Their circumstances might not be abundant but she would not be selfish, besides his skills might be needed again, she dreaded the idea but her maternal instinct wanted him at top efficiency.

"Do you ever have pleasant memories that you call up at times like these? I always think these dark hours are the time when you need them most." Nell asked.

"I try. But. They seem. Like a different. Life. Sometimes. I wonder if. I even remember."

"Are you happy Richard?"

"I can't. Hmm. Remember when. I was last. What you would. Call happy."

"Sometimes there are moments of beauty, things that we don't belong with that you see and it makes you stop where you stand. They are very bittersweet. There was a time in New York when I had no one but the world seemed to have the ability to be as beautiful around me as it was cruel. It always made me feel out of place."

"Hmm. But then. You became. Happy?"

"For a time. It was a wonderful two years of communion and then there was Elsa, but so much had to be lost. I look at her sometimes and think of the cost of having her here with me." Nell mused but then her tone lightened a little. "But those are dark thoughts, I mean only to talk about fond times."

"Then. Hmm. I might not. Be the person. Best to talk to."

"I feel so undeserving sometimes, you say very little about yourself. Yet compared to me you have seen so much and I cannot imagine what that was like. Please forgive me if I seem too absorbed by my own troubles."

Richard looked at her, her feet had slid to the floor and she sat facing him, her entire body and eyes engaged with him. She didn't press him but she wanted to talk, she needed to talk. He felt he was the complete wrong person, yet inside him was that same yearning as she had. It was putting how he felt into words that was such an obstacle, how could he verbalise it after so long?

"I was. Hmm. Stood on a beach. Once. My mind was. Contemplating. Some things. But I heard. Voices nearby. I thought. I was alone but. They came nearer. Until at last. They saw me. I expect how. People. Look at me. But. Hmm. The child. Said 'hello' to me. And they both smiled. That was. I think. One of those moments. Hmm. Of beauty. That you mean."

As he spoke it was as if that very memory crept from the recess of Nell's mind and replayed before her eyes. She had remembered just an ordinary day on the beach where she and Elsa had encountered a sad looking man. Elsa with her usual sensitive confidence had said hello to the stranger and she had smiled. Just as once on a not so significant day in New York she herself had been pulled in with a smile, saved in a way by that smile. Nell was touched and honoured that a memory she herself had temporarily forgotten had clearly been something he chose to keep with him.

The effect of sharing this with her seemed to relieve Richard a little bit, setting aside the growing affection he felt for Nell the chance to talk was liberating. He thought he had lost the ability to connect with people, yet lately it seemed daring to try proved rewarding. In the dim light Nell's large eyes rested upon him with their softness and he didn't feel quite so isolated.

"Thank you for telling me." Nell said. A strange compulsion came over her and she was only worried that what she was about to say would cause him to turn in on himself again. "Would you let me see your face Richard?"

To her surprise his eyes did not lower and he did not seem to shrink, but his face seemed to betray some apprehension. Richard felt they had taken a step closer to one another and now he feared it would all be undone by her seeing what he thought as hideous and unlovable. But the look in her eye spoke such the opposite that he had an inward struggle with himself.

"I think. Hmm. Seeing it. In the dark. Might frighten you. The shadow. Hmm. Can make it…"

He did not finish his sentence for the thought came into his head that he was so damaged that neither darkness or light would take away the horror of his injuries.

"Will you at least let me try?" She asked gently, her voice seeming to lull him into a moment of hope. Reaching up he took off the mask, keeping that side of his face hidden from her a moment. He looked down, his eyes roving over the tin as he always did and he felt his heart beating in his chest. At last he plucked up the courage to fully look at her, the deep, black socket, the scarred cheek and gaping mouth a harsh contrast to her own beauty.

Nell looked at him, she didn't move and her expression didn't change. Those eyes that had looked upon him with their tender gaze only examined the revealed part of him. He saw a touch of sadness enter them and the more she looked at him the more confused he became about his own feelings. What he concealed behind his mask was not just his injury, but that chapter of his life that forged him into who he was today. He doubted she would find anything by studying him, she should surely see he was only wreckage. Richard dropped his face and looked at his hands which were tightly clasped in his lap.

"Don't look down." She said, her voice seemed to break a little. "There is no reason why you can't look at me Richard."

When he looked up again he was bubbling with an emotional struggle, the steel lining of being brutalised and damaged always tried to contain the purer, yearning side of him that wanted to be liberated. He did not repress these older feelings, he let the full weight of his struggle show itself in his eye and Nell saw it, every fibre of it. She got up and walked towards him, looking at him all the while. Richard became a little afraid and he started to drop his head until he felt her hand gently touch his jaw. His eye level was just above her waist and he focused on the fabric of her robe, wanting so much to look into her face but he couldn't quite manage it. Nell took a step nearer and he felt her arms gently go around his shoulders, enveloping him slowly in an embrace. He was still for a moment, his cheek resting against her body; he felt the warmth of her through the material.

Oh how he wanted to slip his arms around her and become lost in the closeness she offered him. His eye closed and he let himself be overcome by the comfort she gave, the reward for him daring to bear himself to another person. She might not care for him as he did for her but he was overwhelmed with her gesture and he would never forget it. One of her hands moved to smooth over his hair as she released him and then he could at last look up, look right into her eyes. They seemed amber from the light and there was an intense warmth to them that pulled on his heart.

Richard focused only on every last moment of her touching him because soon the moment would pass and sadly it did. But nothing about her changed, she looked as she did before, so brilliant, so beautiful, he did not know another like her.

"Thank you." She whispered and they looked at one another for a moment longer. "Perhaps now we should both try to sleep."

"Hmm. Are you. Sure." He began, surprised he had the strength to talk. "You will not. Take my bed?"

"I'm sure." She breathed. He watched her as she left the room and like he had done many times he listened to her exit. It was only then that he looked down at the hand that held his mask with disbelief.

"Thank you." He said quietly to himself and he knew from the churning feelings within him now and the confusing euphoria that surrounded him that he seemed to be falling somewhere and any pain that came was surely worth it for a moment like this?

When the morning came it brought with it a strange new feeling, it seemed that since the previous night things were more open and easy than before. Richard no longer felt like a stranger, he felt part of the world that Nell and Elsa shared, he tried his hardest to memorise every moment right down to the smallest detail. But with the new day brought Jimmy and the proposition of Richard heading to Chicago with him for a short time. Nell was afraid of his going, not only due to the possible danger she was still in but also of how little she wanted to lose his company. She wanted to offer him more every time she saw him, she wanted to help end that tragic look in his eye that made him a solitary figure. It wasn't a need to rescue him, she genuinely found herself more and more drawn to him, it was only that she didn't quite understand it yet.

Richard was due to leave early evening and once he had said goodbye to Elsa for the present Nell walked with him onto the porch.

"There will. Hmm. Be someone here. All the time." He promised. "You'll. Be safe."

"Make sure you are to." She urged, the distance between them was not physically that great but this development seemed to divide them again. They were in a strange point in this new found intimacy where neither felt they could say or do more in this moment as a farewell, yet both wished to. Their eyes met for a moment and then he was gone. Nell braved her apprehension and watched him go, her eye catching a glimpse of the stranger who was to protect her in Richard's absence. With every step away from her he took her heart seemed to hammer all the harder, she knew then the source of what she felt. It had a name but she would not say it yet for it was still growing and could yet be beaten down by a frost. Nell came inside and closed the door, locking and bolting it tight and as she looked about the rooms all seemed empty and strange. Elsa came up to her and hugged her legs.

"When will Mr Harrow be coming back Mama?" She asked.

Nell did not answer, for she did not know. Her arms went about Elsa and she knelt down to embrace her daughter properly. Her mind decided to chime with a warning.

"_You can't grasp at water Eleanor however much you try."_

But she had clung onto the tide as best she could till now and would do her best to keep hanging on.


	13. For Life

**Chapter 12**

If Nell knew anything about life it was that even if trouble wasn't on your doorstep it didn't mean it had gone away. The first three days passed without incident and her guards changed over undisturbed, yet she could seem to sense something was brewing, something she could not predict. She decided routine was the only way to work through her anxiety rather than succumbing to it. She bathed Elsa every morning and entertained Elsa through the day. The forth day at last brought an associate of Luxor's to bring her usual payment of money, she wanted to ask if help was on its way but she found she couldn't. The associate was very matter of fact and did not appear concerned with what was going on only assuring himself of Elsa's welfare he then left. On the fourth, fifth and sixth night Nell drew herself a bath and found herself scrubbing at her skin but she could not wash away her anxiety. Nights passed almost sleepless, she snatched an hour or two and then found herself wide awake as the little elf next to her writhed in heavy sleep. On the seventh day she was desperate and she waved over her protector and begged him to get her something strong to drink, this was swiftly delivered and she cherished the moment when she could at last sleep with its assistance.

The seventh night came and she found herself particularly frightened over thoughts and imaginings that troubled her. During the process of drawing up another bath she drank one or two glasses of the whisky and she felt a little better. Her hair was partially unpinned and she removed her clothes down to her under things and wrapped herself in a robe. The drink started to repress the anxiety and her mind turned a little to the past and she considered the first time Elsa was put into her arms. She'd never held a baby before and here was a child that would change her life wriggling inside the blanket she was wrapped in. It was love at first sight and a love that would not be broken, the only pure love she thought, but then there was…. Well never mind. The final pan of water was almost at the boil when her reverie was broken by a rap at the door, her heart almost jumped into her mouth with fright.

"Who's there?" She called nearing the door, holding her breath as she waited for an answer.

"It's. Hmm. Richard."

His deep, gravelly voice was a heavenly sound, her stomach began fluttering with butterflies and her heart beat thick in her chest. She opened the door and watched him step into the light. He looked exhausted. His eye held a dark circle and his frame drooped, at the sight of him she forgot her own anxiety, her own exhaustion and an instinct to care took over. Richard though tired examined her also, she had deteriorated further yet he did not doubt Elsa would be flourishing. But the effect on being so close to her again, seeing that familiar look in her eye was an elixir and he seemed to reanimate somewhat.

"Hmm. Are you well?"

As he spoke the words he noticed the bottle of spirits on the table and his heart sank. This poor woman was being persecuted by a man with a twisted appetite after being abandoned by the man who from all knowledge had fathered a child with her.

"I should like to sleep tonight, and then I shall be well."

Richard's legs ached and his frame yearned for rest and comfort, Nell soon recognised that look and she moved towards him her mind forming an idea. Without thinking she took his hand and led him into the kitchen where the large bath was placed filled with steaming water. The touch of her hand had sent electricity through his body and his heartbeat raced. In the space of a week he had found himself dreaming of her often, always unfairly cut short and mere fantasy. But the sight of the bath tub confused him, she turned, her hands moved to the lapels of his jacket and started to slip it off his shoulders. Richard was rooted to the spot, he wanted to protest or stop her hands but instead he froze his body rigid. Nell folded the jacket over a chair then returned to Richard, she heard his breathing change and felt his posture grow more rigid. She stood in front of him again, her closeness making him now urge to reach out to her and draw her to him as he had dreamed about, but fear instead held him back. Nell looked into his eye and brought her hands up again, removing his tie then pushing his braces off his shoulders to hang loose at his waist.

"Don't worry." She said quietly and he felt her hands go to the buttons on his shirt, her deep eyes focusing on undoing each one. He watched her face the entire time wondering if she could feel the hammering in his ribcage, she could not miss it surely? With only a few buttons to go he felt her pull his shirt from his trousers and soon the material was being slid from his frame. The shirt was folded and placed with the jacket and she handed him a large, clean towel.

"I'll leave you now." She said and he watched her leave and quietly closed the door. Richard looked at the comfort she had sacrificed upon his return and he was touched and still a little afraid. The week away had seemed to intensify his feelings for her; absence did make his heart grow fonder. His dreams had all been about her and differed wildly, each time waking him with an ache that only she could resolve. He slowly undressed himself and folded up the clothes, placing them where she had and then he slowly lowered his body into the comfort of the hot water. Gradually he slid himself down, the heat breaking through the tension of the last week and finding the root aches in his bones. His back rested against the metal and at last he relaxed, a deep sigh involuntarily leaving his lips. For a moment he laid there, his vision impaired by the steam on his glasses, then he took off his mask and placed it on the floor. His eye roamed around the kitchen as he reacquainted himself with it and the pleasant moments he had experienced within it. Slowly he felt his eye flicker closed and he gave himself up to comfort.

So much was he lost in his emersion that he didn't hear her re-enter the kitchen. Nell did not know what had made her take this step; she took it to be Dutch courage. As she neared the bath Richard sensed her presence and he sat up abruptly causing some water to crash on the floor. He looked from side to side, flushed, embarrassed and exhilarated his hand instinctively going to cover his face. Nell stood still and she looked at him.

"Please don't cover your face Richard." She begged and she took a step nearer. Was he dreaming again? No he wasn't, this was really happening. "You don't need to be afraid with me."

Slowly he removed his hands and rested it on the side of the bath, the pressure of his grip turning his knuckles white. He watched, his breath still heaving, his heart pounding as he waited to see what she was going to do. Nell took the sponge from the side and she dipped it in the water before ringing it out.

"Will you sit forward please?" She asked gently and after a moment he complied. Richard was terrified, the closeness of her and his feelings for her had lately started to manifest themselves in arousal and he could not bear betraying himself to her. He was after all at his most vulnerable here. But as she began to wash him, her attentions were so soothing he began to relax again and his tiredness afforded him an ally. Nell washed his back, noticing some small scars here and there and then his arms and the top of his chest. At last she tipped some water over his face and hair then asked him to lie back in the tub again. Nell went and stood so his back was to her and her hands went into his dark, damp hair and started to gently stroke his scalp, massaging in calming circles. The kindness and thoughtfulness of her actions were overwhelming and he found himself pushing his head more into her touch, longing for it never to end.

His eye drifted shut and his body went limp and content under her ministrations and he forgot all about his vulnerability. Nell felt him at last relax and fall asleep and she gently teased her hands from his hair. Withdrawing quietly to the door she took one last opportunity to see him at ease and register how the sight made her feel. She closed the kitchen door and took a few steps, only to find herself seeking the wall for support. Her forehead rested against its cool texture and screwed her eyes shut and her heartbeat was all she could hear. For a few moments she collected herself and then took up her usual place on the chaise, trying her best to read.

When Richard awoke the temperature of the water had cooled and he looked around the room finding it empty. His body felt renewed, his cares were less heavy and he pulled himself from the water more refreshed than he had been in a long time. He dressed enough to make himself decent and then he quietly opened the kitchen door. The house was quiet, no trouble was present but as he passed through he soon found a sight that stopped him. Nell was fast asleep on the chaise, her body curled up almost foetal but she did not look completely at ease. Richard came towards her quietly and he took the decision to pick her up and carry her towards his room. The thoughtfulness she had just shown him had to be repaid and a nights unbroken rest was the best he felt he could do for her at this time.

He took his time making his way to his room, enjoying the feel of her body in his arms; her head drooped on his shoulder, her breath tickling the skin on his neck. He realised then and there he was hers for life, even if it seemed he was only to be her friend, his heart knew what she truly meant to him. She was no weight to him and he held her a little tighter to him as he neared the door realising any moment he would have to let her go.

Richard gently eased Nell onto the bed and pulled up the blanket. He placed it over her and pushed away a few locks that had drifted over her face, even stealing the opportunity to gently stroke her cheek. At last she looked serene and comfortable and Richard was satisfied as his heart overflowed inside him. Stealing the opportunity he watched her, took in the perfection of yet another moment with her and then he moved away.

"Wait." She said sleepily as he reached the door and once again his heart seemed to stop dead and his body tense. Slowly he turned to look at her, her large eyes fixing themselves on him sleepily. Richard could only watch with disbelief as she shifted herself back in the bed and pulled back the blanket. "Stay. We both need the sleep."

The internal battle recommenced, what was he to do? Once again he was worried about betraying himself in some way, his physical need to touch her now as strong as the deep feelings he held for her. To be that close to her and not reveal some part of how he felt seemed impossible but the opportunity to pass a night by her side under any circumstances was too wonderful to refuse. As Richard walked to the bed and climbed in beside her he was filled with fear and joy. He laid on his back and brought his hands to join on his stomach nervously, focusing for some time on composing himself. He could feel her eyes on him but he dared not look at her, to look at her might overcome him and then where would he be. Then something occurred to him, since waking again he had not put on his mask, in fact he had forgotten about it completely for it still rested in the kitchen. Tonight she had beheld him more vulnerable than ever before in a few different ways and he only just acknowledged the weight of what that meant.

"Thank you for coming back." She whispered. "I have been very afraid these last days. I know something is coming and I just…"

She couldn't finish her sentence, the emotion seemed to overwhelm her and he at last turned to look at her. Those deep eyes were now watery and were diverted downwards; it was now she who could not look up. Instinctively Richard put out his arm and drew her to him, her temple resting on his shoulder. He forgot all his worries and the deep need to comfort her consumed him, one of her hands rested on his chest and soon he felt her body relent and allow itself to relax next to him. He looked at her again, the eyes now closed and her breathing soft and regular. He loved her so much it was painful, he had fantasised and dreamt about holding her as close as this and now he had her. Yet he didn't really have her, something still divided her from him and he longed to smash through the obstacle and devote himself to her fully without restraint. And for the first time he realised that it was not his brokenness that was his obstacle for she had taken that from him. He would always be broken but she slowly allowed him to realise he was good enough for the world and deserved to be cared for. She pressed herself closer to him in sleep and he enveloped her more in his arms and he made a decision.

He would offer himself to her and whatever answer came he would love her always, he could not help it, he did not want to help it. Their lives had collided and were running together, he was hers forever.


	14. The Choice

_**Authors notes: So it's about to turn in Richard's favour and obviously there is some adult content. I've decided rather than this fic becoming a 30 chapter job I'm going to split it into two, the sequel will be notably darker than this one and contain more violence/trauma and adult content. I think as this one has turned out I've tried to allow plenty of time to build the Richard/Nell relationship, I hope it hasn't been boring. Thank you again to Aerenii for all your reviews.**_

**Chapter 13**

Richard had noticed that most of the morning he was catching Elsa studying him closely, more so than usual. If he happened to look away and then look back he would see those big eyes fixed on his face, her head slightly tipped on its side. Elsa was doing her best to try to hide her scrutiny and would look back to her dolls quickly when Richard happened to look back. But she was not as quick as Richard. Finally when Nell was making lunch in the kitchen he beckoned Elsa to him with his finger, for a moment the child looked worried. Slowly she stood up and walked towards him, her eyes now looking down and her hands clasped in front of her, she was the image of repentance.

"Hmm. It's alright." Richard assured her, touching her jaw and making her eyes meet his own. "Do you. Want to. Ask me. Hmm. Something?"

Elsa wetted her lips and he saw her swallow, she applied pressure to the ball of her foot and moved it from side to side.

"What is your face like under the mask?" She asked at last, Richard had already guessed the question and let out a quiet breathy laugh. His hand cupped her cheek and he smiled slightly.

"Hmm. Horrible. It would. Hmm. Frighten you."

"I am very brave." She said confidently which only made his smile broaden as much as he was able. Richard got up and took her hand in his, he led her to the passage way near the bedrooms and then went inside his own leaving Elsa standing there. When he emerged again Elsa saw he was holding a Bible. Richard knelt down on the floor and Elsa sat on his knee, he opened the book and searched for the page he was looking for. He then showed her the portrait Angela Darmody had done of him without his mask, he would never let Elsa see the real thing but perhaps this might help her understand why.

Elsa looked at the drawing then up at Richard.

"Is that what it is like?" She asked.

"Hmm. Yes."

Elsa looked across now at the photo taken of him before the war, her little hands rested at the bottom of each page as she started to make the comparison and process in her mind what had happened. Richard watched her expression as her minds very primitive logic tried to come to terms with what he hid from her.

"It must have hurt." She said at last and Richard nodded at her. He held a gaze with the child for a long moment, awkwardness and fear playing no part in it and finally she smiled at him. Her eyes went back to the page and she pressed a kiss to one of her hands then placed it on the picture over the damaged side of Richards face. In return Richard kissed the top of her head affectionately in a way he imagined he would do to the children he doubted he would ever have. As he thought over what had just passed he did not realise Elsa continued to flick through the pages. She saw the collages he had made from different pictures and finally her own self and Nell captured in sketches.

"I remember the ladies house. She was nice." Elsa said, not finding the idea of him keeping a picture of her or Nell odd.

"Hmm. Do you know. Why I. Kept these?"

"I did not know the lady drew a picture of her." Elsa remarked innocently. "Mama is very pretty, isn't she?"

"Your mother is. Hmm. Very beautiful."

There was a creaking sound near to them and both looked up suddenly and saw Nell stood in the doorway. Richard's face flushed and he closed the book quickly, how much had she heard?

"So here you both are." Nell said normally and Elsa clambered up and walked to her mother. Richard quickly stood up and tried to hide the Bible from view.

"Mr Harrow has our pictures. The lady drew you." Elsa babbled excitedly, betraying Richard in a way he did not care for. He was not resentful, she was a child after all but he was frightened of exposure just now.

Nell looked at him, her expression unchanged, or perhaps just with a little more curiosity.

"Mrs Darmody drew me?" She asked.

"Hmm. Yes. I think. When you. Were sat…" He ran out of words to explain, his awkwardness ruining the power of speech.

"May I see it? That is… if you don't mind?"

Richard's eyes bent upon the carpet as he deliberated until at last he opened the book and showed her the page containing the portraits. Nell came forward and studied them, her eyes taking the time to watch him also out of the corner of her eye. Did she really look like that? She thought perhaps Angela had been too kind.

"Thank you." She said quietly and giving him a small smile she returned to the kitchen, Elsa following her merrily. Richard remained in the corridor for a few seconds as he composed himself then he returned the Bible to a place of safety.

Throughout the day something seemed to change between Nell and Richard, a silent familiarity and understanding that had been building for the last few weeks now fixed itself in an affectionate bond. Though it was not spoken about both were aware it was there and despite Richard's apprehension earlier he slid into the same comfort that she did. As the evening drew in Elsa ran into Richards arms and gave him a tight hug and kiss on his cheek as though he were her father. The little girl was so fond of her masked friend that he had frequently become the hero in her games and she seemed to know that because of him they were safe. Once Elsa was put to bed Nell came through and found Richard on the porch surveying the street. She moved into the living area and her head felt irritatingly tight and uncomfortable. Her hands came up to unpin her hair and she was that busy untangling and teasing the locks free from the pins that she did not hear him come in. When she finally observed him her breath caught in her throat. The intensity of his look was overwhelming and she felt her body flush, his eye seemed a little darker and his look only spoke adoration. There was no mistake, she was not so blind as to not have long recognised his feelings for her, she had tried in her own way to show him how much she cared for him to.

But that look in his eye seemed to cause a stir in her that so far she had kept on a low burn, but now it ripped through her and her body felt a strange kind of elation and a deep ache that she did not understand completely. To Richard, she was true perfection with her hair cascading down her shoulders, it was a sight joyous to behold and it was a further catalyst to his desire for her. They looked at one another and then it was Richard who moved, but he did not come to her. Instead he went and sat down in the chair and he took up the book they had been reading as a trio earlier.

For a second Nell stood and observed him and she thought she understood why he did not act upon what he clearly felt, he was either afraid or not sure how to. Both surprised her for his look was so certain. So she left him and went to bed.

The words on the page were merely a blur to Richard, he had not read a single word, he seemed to stare through and beyond the page. Why had he taken up a seat instead of taking her in his arms? He did not know quite how to take the next step with confidence but now he had completely let it pass. The feeling was killing him and now he must let it wait for another day, he had lost her. The joy of spending the night beside her was still as wonderful as the first night she had suggested it and he must be satisfied with this again for tonight, however much he longed to kiss her, to hold her and be with her.

Richard stood before the slightly ajar door; he could see the low lamplight giving the room a dull glow. He raised his hand intending to push the door open but found he was holding his palm just short of the grain. Heaven was behind this door. He closed his eye and took a deep yet silent breath before he quietly pushed open it open.

He found Nell sound asleep, her back unusually facing the door, perhaps exhaustion had eclipsed caution this one time. But no, that was not the reason. Her hair that delighted him so much flowed past her neck and rested on the bed, leaving a cheek and closed eye exposed to his view. As his eyes travelled downwards he saw her bare back. She was naked. The room was warm and only a thin throw blanket covered her from hip to just above the knee. Richard wasn't sure he'd ever seen anything so natural and beautiful before. He observed that her white, silken skin fitted her with perfection and he could not see any bones jutting unhealthily from her. There was only the smooth, shallow valley of her spine and the smooth contours of her shoulder blades that framed this anatomical landscape. His eyes travelled from head to foot, every inch of her dimly illuminated by lamp light. She had done this with a purpose, she had been waiting for him.

Richard did not want to wake her just yet, part of him wasn't sure if he wanted to at all. Rousing her could break the perfection of this moment, he believed little in most things and he had shared so many cherished moments with her. Acting now meant risking everything. What should he do then? He knew what he wanted to do, several things in fact; part of him wanted to run from here, part wanted to just sit and watch her sleep but most of all he wanted to climb in beside her and be with her. For some days now they had shared this bed and he had reigned himself in but tonight he found he could not, they had come to far. The yearning ache for her was overwhelming and he almost couldn't stand it. He was so close to the bed now but still she did not wake, she slept on like something out of a fairytale. Quietly Richard undressed himself, his body suddenly feeling warmer and strangely excitable. This was not exactly his first time but neither was he overly experienced in such matters. Indeed Odette had taken most of the trouble that day, he had received what Jimmy had promised when he said 'appreciation'.

There was only one last thing to take off and here he hesitated. The mask. He couldn't believe that she would wish to be with him baring the monstrous side of his face. But then she had never reacted in any bad way before. He sat on the edge of the bed and deliberated, he could hear her breath and turning he ever so gently traced down her spine with the back of his hand stopping at the throw. The longing to see her entire, beautiful form consumed him. He had tried to imagine, he had studied how her body fitted again his during sleep and watched how her clothes fitted her form. All this he had used to try and imagine the curve of her hip and the swell on her breasts. Now here was his chance at last. Ever so slowly he pulled the throw away and inch by inch his eyes met flawless contours bound in creamy skin. The contrast between them struck him, what he saw in her was beauty and kindness whereas he was broken inside and out, good only for the brutality he learnt in the War. But when the throw dropped to the floor his mind was made up, desire conquered doubt. He took off his mask and slowly stretched himself on the bed beside her.

He longed to press his body up against hers and he looked over at her sleeping face and stroked a hand down the arm that rested over her chest. The touch made her move exposing her breasts to him and he watched them rise and fall with the swell of her breath. The sight made his blood boil, they were perfect to his eye. Drawing her to him he pressed his body close to hers and enlaced his fingers with one of her hands. His face pressed into her hair and he became intoxicated and some strange chasm inside him seem to crack open a little.

Nell roused sleepily and as Richard rested his head behind hers she increased the pressure on their laced fingers but she neither turned nor said a word. She pushed her body back against him gently, validating that she had indeed been waiting for him. Her breaths became quicker and he sensed her body temperature increase. He wasn't quite sure how exactly he should proceed but letting go of her hand he stroked her stomach and upwards to her breasts. Cupping one in his hand he ran a thumb over her nipple and felt her arch into his touch and she gave a sort of sigh. As he continued to caress her in different ways new to him the tear that seemed to be taking place inside him grew larger and his desire reached an unbearable point.

As if Nell sensed this in him she pushed herself against his length. All this was done without speaking or looking at one another. Richard fumbled slightly but soon he was positioned and sensing some silent agreement from her he proceeded to push inside her. With every moment his heartbeat seemed to thunder in his ears and he buried his face into the crook at the back of her neck and grasped her hip bone. For a moment she gave a sharp intake of breath and tensed, he stopped, bliss and fear muddling in his mind. He wanted to speak to her but couldn't find the words, he was burning for this and he was certain she was. He stroked her hip tenderly to sooth her, letting her know she was safe with him. At last she nodded and her body relaxed again. Richard was relieved and kissed her shoulder blade softly and continued. Every second that he slowly passed further inside of her a blinding pleasure increased and he began to move with gentle firmness. His heart hammered heavily and he found himself trembling with so many mingling emotions and sensations.

One arm instinctively slid under her neck and wrapped around her to cup a breast in his hand whilst his other held her hip helping him move against her. Every stroke, every movement, every breath sent brilliant waves of pleasure through him to the point of it almost becoming too much emotionally. The feel of being enveloped and accepted by her was beautifully distracting. He was not used to being overwhelmed and he tried to focus on memorising the feel of her, the sounds she made, her scent and the way her body seemed to melt into his. He found himself moving deeper but he kept a sensuous rhythm as he held himself back as best he could so this heavenly moment could last as long as possible.

Her breathing had changed now and she had relented and surrendered herself to his touch and movements. He moved his face so he could catch a glimpse of hers quickly, her eyes were closed and there was a look on her face he could not describe but it only added to his desire for her. He was not a base man in any way but he wanted to feel this way forever; belonging, passion, pleasure and happiness within this little world they had. As the sensations increased he began to find it harder to control himself, his steady rhythm started to collapse and he found himself letting go to the moment. He moaned her name but this was muffled by the pressing of his lips against her shoulder blade. He longed to kiss her but he feared it would be the end of him. One minute turned into another and another. Now he hurtled to where he'd been once before, but this was so very different because she had decided it would be this way. She had chosen to be with him. It was that final thought along with an overwhelming surge of pleasure that sent Richard over the edge with a guttural moan as he buried himself deep inside her and was released. It shook him from nerve ending to bone, he felt like he was surging from the bed only aware that he was clinging onto her for dear life.

The following minutes were a blur of so many things but soon he became aware of her breathing heavily beside him, he still pressed tight against her, holding her to him like a vice. He withdrew from her reluctantly. For some time they let their breathing slow and said nothing, he wanted to speak but couldn't think of how to verbalise what he felt. He merely moved his hand from her hip and laced her fingers with his against her still beating heart.

Richard felt himself trembling and he noticed how their skins glistened with beads of sweat. Nell turned her head at last to look at him, she seemed to be searching his face and for a second Richard worried. She released her fingers from his and brought her hand behind her to stroke across his forehead and traced along his damaged cheek. He pressed it into her hand and they looked at one another a moment, her expression was still unknown to him but her eyes seemed to speak kindness and he thought happiness.

Nell broke their gaze and rested her head on the pillow nestling herself against him and drew his arm back into an embrace. She raised their joint hands and kissed the back of his before allowing them to drop back onto the mattress. And so they lay contented together. He was exhausted by the intense passion he'd just experienced and suddenly everything in his body felt sated and heavy. He felt for the throw and draped it over them and comfort and contentment took over. It was here that Richard Harrow fell asleep next to a woman he loved. It was overwhelming and incomprehensible to think that this had happened and as he recovered he wanted to contemplate it yet sleep easily overcame him. And so they slept in their temporary Eden, hidden away in a room together far from the harsh world of the boardwalk.

The morning however brought Richard back to reality, a reality bound with Jimmy and often with violence. It seemed a far cry from the world he had lived in for the last few hours in this room, but that was at an end for now. He looked at Nells sleeping form and was struck by a deep reluctance to leave but he must and he hoped she would understand. He moved to the bathroom to wash himself and he could see from the window it was still very early morning. He ran some water but over its sound he heard her rise and walk about. Would she come in? He'd left his mask on the table by the bed and strangely he didn't want her to see him like this this morning. But soon he heard her pass out the room and he guessed she would return to Elsa.

He splashed cold water over his face and neck and noted how his body felt lighter this morning, there was a strange weightlessness about him that both enthralled and concerned him equally. Was this love then? He likened it to the few examples he'd seen in others and with his little experience. Nell certainly seemed to be taking over him emotionally, she churned up fantasies, dreams, feelings and thoughts within him. He happened to look down and noticed blood on his thigh. He contemplated this for a few minutes and his conclusion was drawn from the little knowledge he had. She had been a virgin, but how? Did she not have a daughter? She and Elsa were so alike in many ways that the biological connection seemed obvious. Lydia's word came back to him.

"_It's all a very strange business, very sad in fact. I won't go into particulars but Nell has done her best, it was suggested that she leave Elsa but she wouldn't."_

He washed quickly and dressed himself then returned to the bedroom, there was no sound from anywhere else in the house. Moving to the empty bed he pulled back the throw and there to he saw a small amount of blood.

She was not Elsa's mother, yet in all the ways it was important she was. Suddenly the choice Nell had made seemed all the greater. Her virginity itself was of little consequence to him but inside he felt a mixture of emotions stemming from the fact she had chosen him. He, Richard Harrow, a man so disfigured he even struggled to recognise himself. Now more than ever he was reluctant to leave her, but he must. He took his mask and placed it over his face grabbed his gun and headed out the door.


	15. A Day at a Time

**Chapter 14**

Nell had acted as usual, she washed and dressed Elsa to near perfection and then she also bathed herself. Her mind had been thinking over things since the moment she awoke again having slipped back into Elsa's bed. But nothing prepared her for a note that was pushed under the door waiting for her. She opened it up and it gave on line.

_It is all in hand._

She stared at it for a long time then she came onto the porch and looked around, all was normal and every day. There was no sign of any one whom she imagined would be watching her, perhaps this really was the end. If only she could believe that.

Richard had gone to check in with Jimmy, but a check in had turned into a job. The day was spent meticulously planning a delivery, the deals never seemed easily struck these days and the stakes constantly seemed higher. Richard managed to put thoughts aside of what had happened the previous night because he wanted to be useful to Jimmy. But then came an hour where he had to wait and for the first time since earlier that day, Richard had a chance to think. The doubts came first, naturally. If she had been a virgin had he been too rough with her, in all honesty part of him couldn't recall her every reaction because he'd been so lost in the moment. He was certain she had not gained release from it as he had; he thought he was not yet a skilful enough lover to have made that a guarantee. But then she had not asked him to stop at any point which meant that it cannot have been unbearable or unpleasant for her after the initial pain. Or could it?

His main regret was that he did not kiss her, for weeks he had found himself glancing at that mouth longing to press his own lips to it. How he wanted to kiss her, undress her and press her onto the mattress of the bed they'd recently shared and make love to her seeing every expression that swept over her face. He wanted to cover that porcelain skin in kisses and get to know every part of her and pleasure her in any way within his power.

He collected himself however for he knew that he wanted more than just passionate love making, he wanted more of the moments they'd shared in recent weeks. He was greedy for the games, talks and contented moments of silence. The moment she came and bathed him, releasing him from the fallout of the more brutal side of his work he was most definitely hers. Or was it the first moment he'd seen her on the beach with Elsa? Was that not the kind of images he had been hoarding in his Bible for months? It seemed Jimmy managed to have both, it wasn't perfect, and that was easy to read in his eyes sometimes and Angela's. But Jimmy still had it and managed to keep it safe so why couldn't he? Nell, he was certain must have wanted more than merely a night with him to take the step she did, in a way they were both similar in that respect. They both longed for the other but that could have been acted upon in a heated moment of thoughtlessness weeks ago. But instead the feeling had hung in the air for weeks, it had gained momentum and both had entered into it with surety.

The order arrived, the payment was given. Richard was free to go back to a place that seemed like home. On returning to the house everything seemed unusually quiet. It was not disconcerting for Richard but he knew something was different. He didn't call out to anyone and practically crept in the house. It was then he saw Elsa pass the door as though looking for someone, he followed her and said her name in a low whisper. She turned, smiled and ran to him but Richard pressed a finger to his lips.

"What are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"Looking for mama, she's hiding." Elsa replied and gave her favourite new friend a cuddle, she then took his hand and they started looking together. They conducted a fairly thorough search of many of the rooms together, hand in hand. Richard suspected Nell was hiding in the room next door so he and Elsa separated. Coming round the long way he saw Nell peering through the crack in the door to watch Elsa's approach. She had her back to him and his stealth meant she didn't hear him coming. As her dress hung gracefully over her form his mind went back to her exquisite nakedness the night before and how they had made love. Now this little game they were playing made him feel a strange sense of mischief he'd not felt since he was a child, it was a feeling he'd found creeping up on him more and more recently. He was quite close to her and put out his hand when she turned and his presence being so close to her gave her a start. He was used to people being frightened of him because of his face but this was a different fear. In a protective reflex as though he were an intruder she pushed at him hard and managed to cause him to stagger slightly. A throaty cry had come from her mouth and this brought a giggling Elsa to her hiding place. Once the truth had sunken in Nell's eyes narrowed again and she started to laugh too and looking at Richard she saw a smile on his face.

"You scared me." She said lightly.

"Hmm. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," She said her face content and slightly flushed, she picked up Elsa and brought their noses tip to tip. "Did you two decide to gang up on me aye?"

An ecstatic laugh came from Elsa again and Nell gave her a kiss.

"It's Mr Harrows turn." Elsa said but Nell shook her head.

"No let's play something a little bit calmer. Shall we play with your animals?"

Elsa nodded and skipped off into their living area and began unpacking and arranging her toy animals. This left Richard and Nell alone and slightly awkward in their obvious love. He watched her contentedly and in the end she gave half a smile. For a moment she was tempted to tell him about the letter, but she changed her mind, that was not for now.

"Mama! Mr Harrow!"

"We've been summoned." Nell joked.

"Then we hmm. Had. Better go." He replied and he followed her into the cosy sitting room. They sat down on the floor in a triangle shape surrounding the toy animals.

Elsa was a good natured child, Nell had taught her well and she played and shared with a good temperament and was proving to be quite bright. Richard at first took a back seat but Elsa involved him even more in the game than Nell and this gave him confidence to entertain her. The smile on Nell's face only increased with every minute, she didn't seem careworn at all in this moment. She reached her hand out and gently laid it on top of Richards; running her thumb along his knuckles then rested it there quite still. Her gaze was still focused on the game but when Richard looked from his hand to her the impact of her gesture almost undid him. This happiness that had been building the last few weeks, culminating in their love making last night and filtering into this small yet perfect moment was unbelievable to him. He fought off the part of him that wanted to be afraid of it, to doubt it. He still had questions about her but he loved her and he loved Elsa too. He couldn't have loved this little elfin like child more if she was his own. He was beginning to see what Nell felt from the moment she took on the role as the girl's mother.

Nell left them eventually to prepare a meal but Elsa kept her favourite friend by her and he was happy to indulge her. Since showing her the pictures of his injuries Elsa seemed to sit closer to Richard and be more attentive, she was quite the little mother hen. It had bonded them. He did not get to be alone with Nell again for some time, when they had finally eaten and worn Elsa out with various activities that delighted all three of them he became nervous again. He carried the little girl into bed and Nell tucked her in, he watched how Nell lovingly completed the task. Even when the child's eyes weren't open she was determined to show her how beloved she was. They left Elsa to dream happily.

Now they were alone.

Nell walked into the centre of the room, she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. There was an electric excitement running through her, it had been building since this morning and was particularly acute these last few hours. Richard stood in the doorway, half in shadow as he was accustomed. He observed her as she thought, he watched how mindlessly she twiddled a tendril of her hair that had come loose. There were many things he wanted right now, it was painful, but he contented himself with just walking behind her and gently unfixing her hair and freeing its glory. He watched it tumble some inches past her shoulders. He placed a hand on her shoulder and stepped close so the fabric of his shirt lightly brushed that of her dress. Nell's breathing caught in her throat, she wasn't looking at him, she dared not at this moment.

With his other hand Richard gently moved her hair to one side so that her neck was visible to him and dropping his head his lips kissed the fabric on her shoulder and then kissed his way across to her neck. The kisses were gentle and featherlight and they seemed to burn Nell's skin with passionate intensity. When his lips pressed just below her jaw line, tinted by the cool touch of his mask her knees seemed to buckle slightly but she soon felt one hand drop to her waist to support her. He pressed his face into the side of hers and closed his eye, his hand at her waist slowly moved over to rest on her stomach and he pressed her gently back against him for support.

They stood in silence for a moment, both with their eyes closed and both daring not to breathe. Nell could feel Richards heart racing against her back and she realised her own was pounding just as hard. His other arm wrapped around her and joined its partner hand at the front. She decided it was time to speak.

"Richard." She said quietly, his response was holding her tighter to him and a heavy sigh was released against her neck. She turned around in his arms and slipped her own about his neck, pressed her body into his and kissed him. The metal of the mask or what was under it did not hinder her, she kissed him with feverish gentleness and passion and he responded immediately. He fisted the fabric of her dress as he clung to her and her own hand stroked up his neck and through his hair. His face buried in her hair and he drew her up onto her tiptoes, holding onto her for dear life.

"Nell." He said with a deep softness, his hands caressing her back gently. She pulled her face back to look at him. "You are hmm so beautiful."

She kissed him again and he met her with equal intensity, so potent that many would have struggled to separate them.

"Did I hmm. Were you. Happy last night?"

"The happiest someone else has ever made me." She replied, stroking his scarred cheek. "But I feel like I have misled you slightly."

"You mean. That you are. Not hmm. Elsa's real mother?" He asked.

"I'm not. I would give anything to be but I am all that she can call a mother."

"But then I hmm imagine I hurt you last night…." Richard said nervously.

"I'm not sorry with the choice I made, Richard."

This was music to his ears; a person he cared for an unbelievable amount did not regret a single moment she had spent with him. She had chosen him, she wanted him and she desired him.

"I'll explain it all someday." She said with a sigh and they remained looking at one another for a moment. He drew her in and kissed her forehead then down her cheek to her mouth. There were so many times over the years where he had dreamed of holding something flesh and blood in his arms, lately it had been her and he thought how it would always be her. A man like Harry Warren would only damage and ruin her, but he would keep her safe and look after her for as long as she would let him. He would love her and not ever forget for a moment the day she chose him and what that meant.

"You were gone a long time today." She said quietly, her hands slipping to the back of his neck.

"Hmm. I had to. Do a. Job for Jimmy."

"There hasn't been anyone near the house for days, maybe he has relented. I wish I could believe he has."

"Nothing. Hmm. Will ever. Harm you. Or Elsa. Hmm as long. As I'm. here." He promised.

"Some things are beyond all our power, Richard." She said but then her face broke into a smile. "Like this. I should never have imagined this."

"Hmm. What. Do you mean?"

"Everything I've had was always borrowed, or on borrowed time, but not this." She said and she moved to kiss him again, pulling him in as deep as she could to her.

"It. Hmm. Always was promised. To me. But I. Never imagined. That it would. Happen."

"Will you take me to bed?" Nell asked gently, her forehead pressed against his. For a moment he was still and then he nodded his head. He took hold of her hand and led her away from the room, turning off all the lamps as they went.

Richard took off his waist coat and folded it over a chair, he had his back to Nell and soon her felt her arms wrap around him and pressing herself into his back, she sighed. Richards hands were shaking a little bit, his mind was running at twice the speed with craving. He turned around and looked at her, her hair was unpinned and she's started to undo the buttons on her dress. Her hands rested on his shoulders a moment before slipping his suspenders downward. Watching her slowly unfasten every button of his shirt made him feel like he was in some sort of trance, she had pulled the fabric free of his trousers and slipped it from his shoulders before he had the power to move. His own hands pushed her dress down to her waist, a soft shift that clung to the swell of her breasts now meeting his eyes. Nell pushed the dress further down so it pooled at her feet and she gave a little shiver as she readjusted to the temperature of the room.

Richards hands moved to her waist and he gently pulled her towards him, his head bent forward and he began to kiss along one of her slender shoulder blades moving across to her neck. The tin of the mask pressed coolly against the skin at the base of her throat and she exhaled a sharp breath. Richards head jerked up and he looked in her eyes but she laughed.

"Don't worry, it just made me jump."

Richards face dropped a little and she could tell he was deliberating, his self consciousness seemed to rise to the surface. He knew he'd have to remove his mask, but he didn't want her to have to bear the sight of his face too early. Nell turned his face to look at her with her hand, gently stroking his cheek.

"You won't frighten me and you certainly don't repulse me. I don't ever want you to think that."

He searched her eyes for validation that what she said was true, he saw kindness and honesty in them as well as some dark need. He removed the mask carefully and placed it on the side and when he returned to look at her she stepped nearer and began planting soft kisses down the damaged side of his face. Each kiss seemed to make his skin flush, as her ministrations reached his jaw line and she kissed and lightly sucked along it his hands returned to her waist with an intensified grip. Nell pressed her body right into his chest, his hands swept up her back and into her hair. She found a sweet spot on him when she kissed just below his ear and a low sound came from his throat.

His hands moved up to her face and cupped it with them, bringing her back for a intensified kiss as his body flushed and flamed with every touch. His hands started to push the shift from her body and it too landed in a pool at her feet. He only caught a glimpse of the rise and fall of her naked breasts as she tugged his undershirt over his head and her hands began fumbling with his trousers. He stepped out of them and then once again pulling her to him his hands began to explore her body with soft eagerness. It was at this moment when Nell felt a little bit vulnerable and murmured.

"I don't want to disappoint you, I'll have to learn… what you like."

Richard pulled her into a kiss, one hand holding the back of her neck the other wrapping her body to him. Their chests fused together, their hearts equally pounding with need for the other. The kiss was tender and reassuring, he felt like he was filled with boiling oil but he knew exactly what she was feeling.

"I will hmm learn to." He said quietly and his answer gave her new confidence and he watched as she laid down on the bed, leaving space for him beside her. At that moment something overcame him and climbing beside her, he began an exploration of her body like a man possessed. His lips dragged from her own sweet ones sweeping over her jaw line and soon he was licking, sucking and gently nibbling his way down her body, stopping to lavish attention on her breasts. He took his time here and he soon found her arching into him, her fingers digging into his shoulders. It was easier than he imagined, she responded to everything he worshipped her with and he forgot that he looked any different from any other man.

His hands were caressing her soft skin and gradually one of them stroked downwards and began making small circles up the inside of her thigh. He moved back up and continued to kiss her, his hand gently finding her centre and slowly caressing her there. Her desire for him was evident and he moaned into her mouth as he kissed her, sensing she was relaxed and enjoying his touches he pushed first one finger then two inside of her. At first she contracted a little, the feeling was new and she was unsure but as he began to move them in and out of her she soon relaxed her muscles again. For a while he continued and did not seem to get a reaction from her but then he heard her moan gently as they continued to kiss. A few seconds later she arched her body up into him and he increased the speed of his fingers just a little. The sensation he created was new to her and as its intensity built it felt a little overwhelming. Nell broke the kiss and stilled his hand. He waited for her to speak.

"I need to touch you." She said with a primal sound in her voice and she shifted herself so that she was now resting over him.

Nell began by kissing along his jaw line and throat again, taking time to return to the scarred part of his face and offered her attention there. She ran a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp. He closed his eyes, lost in the sensations of her touch not daring to open them again until he felt her kisses moved lower and her mouth taking one of his nipples inside it and sucking on it. Seeing how much she enjoyed this attention from him, Nell aimed to copy it and a deep moan escaped Richard's lips in response. She dedicated the next few minutes to exploring him with her lips, learning his contours and the noises he made. Every so often he would desperately drag her up to his lips again, kissing her and caressing her until she dragged herself away. She knew he wanted to adore her for minutes on end, he would continue forever if she didn't stop him because he needed to see how much she loved every little bit of him. Despite the scarring and injuries Richard's entire body seemed designed to make her impatient to explore it, there was the constant fear of all she had still to learn but she trusted him completely.

His eyes watched her as she moved lower, the tension and anticipation of what he knew was coming made it impossible to do otherwise. She kissed up the inside of one of his thighs until she reached his length and that second before she touched him seemed to make him suspended in time. At first she experimented with light touches, gauging his reaction and as he seemed to enjoy more so she grew confident in trying other things. A conversation had occurred long ago where she struggled with the ideas of pleasing a man, but the desire she felt for Richard made her impatient to please him. The moment she stopped planting kisses up the length of him and took him in her mouth he was nearly overcome. The sight and sensation coupled together made him groan, one of his hands moving to stroke her scalp. He fought hard not to jerk his hips and this took a lot of will power for even in her inexperience she was driving him to a place he wanted, a place he'd dreamed. But not like this, not this time. This didn't seem real, he wondered if it ever would. She moved slowly up and down his length several times but here he had to stop her for he knew he couldn't last.

Now ablaze Richard pulled her to him with a new hunger and dropped her flat back onto the mattress. He was trembling with need for her and she was the same, she instinctively opened her legs wider and he positioned himself on top of her. He began kissing her across her breasts, collar bone and neck again, his torso pressing against hers, his length teasingly close to her entrance. He rested himself on his forearms and kissed her but she bucked up against him, silently begging him to be inside her. One of her arms snaked about his neck, the other gripped his back as he pushed himself inside of her. It took her a moment to grow accustomed to him again but then pulling his mouth in for a kiss he began to move.

At first he slowly moved deeply into her but when he looked in her eyes he seemed to see them darken and her grip on his body urged him on. When his pace started to pick up her sighs quickly turned to whimpers and her eyes fluttered closed. Her hips managed to match his rhythm and her knees raised and pressed into his sides. After some minutes they were moving in time together and Richard returned to planting kisses on whatever was in his reach. Her skin glistened with sweat and she started to breath his name through a bitten lip. When her eyes opened again she locked onto his and it only made their love making even more intense. The pace was steady and not rushed and the mutual grind of hips meant that with every stroke pleasure made them press their body into the others as though they were merging into one.

She was the most beautiful thing Richard had ever seen and he could not believe he was here with her. It even surpassed the previous night for he was looking into her face, seeing every bit of the affect he was having on her, he wanted to please her and he clearly was. He took the weight on his arms, angling his hips slightly different and moving deep within her. Her hands gripped his back, her fingers sweeping up and down in between clinging on for dear life.

He started to sense her tensing around him and that made every thrust even more glorious for him. She pulled him down and kissed him fiercely and he saw how her face betrayed the new impending release she was about to experience. Nell's expression was one of happiness and pleasure, but he saw something in her eye that was finding these new sensations intense. Despite her moans he kissed her feverishly, letting her know he was here and she was not being blotted out by his own desires. Richard altered his position slightly and found himself burying his face in the crook of her neck and her arms went around him, pressing him close. The pleasure soared, her moans were in his ear and soon she felt her surge upward and she gave a cry of his name as she tensed and spasmed around him. That did it; his release tore through him and pressed her arched body back into the bed as a heavy groan of his own tumbled from him. There they lay, panting and breathless, but so incredibly happy. Richard couldn't put it into words, here he was collapsed on top of her, his arms around her, only breath and beating soothing the air. He was aware he would be heavy on top of her and he made a move to roll off her but she kept her arms tight about him. He looked her full in the face, her eyes staring brightly into his, her lips parted and swollen and her body glowing from tip to toe. She adjusted herself underneath him and her arms were slipped loosely around his neck, he put his weight on his forearms and slid down a little.

Richard closed the small amount of space between their faces and kissed her gently, there was no urgency here, it was a slow, lazy kiss that spoke of fulfilment and happiness. His head then buried in the crook of her neck and Nell started stroking his back up and down in slow strokes. At first they were regular, up and down, but gradually they lessened and lessened until she fell asleep. Richard was not sorry that she had stopped, they had lulled him to sleep long ago. They slept peacefully together, his weight barely resting on her but their arms about each other.

…..

The two representatives met at last, they shook hands and tried to view each other better in the darkness of the night. Not too far away a car was parked and a third man watched the two's conversation.

"Your boss received the letter?" The first said.

"Yes. He quite agrees with the terms, he just wants to clear it all up." Replied the second.

"There's a problem though. A man, his name is Darmody has got involved."

"We can take care of Darmody's men."

"You haven't so far, leave it with my boss. Until you here from us again keep your men away, your fucking it up."

"It was all in hand." The voice grated from the car.

"Paying men to pretend to be a rival gang, to shoot your own men and vice versa. You gotta admit it's fucking hilarious."

"Had we not a deal to strike you'd be leaving with a bullet in your brain you fucking cu…" The second man growled, fronting up to the first.

"Mortimer!" The man from the car shouted. "Leave it! Tell your boss I agree but I expect to see results soon or I do it my own way."

The meeting was concluded, the problem was in hand, soon to be resolved.


	16. The Past and Present

**Authors notes: **_**Thank you for the kind reviews from the last few chapters, glad I didn't appear to disappoint after so much build up. There's only a couple more to this story and then the sequel which as I said before takes a darker turn. **_

**Chapter 15**

The sun was blinding, it sent sweeping moments of shadow and dazzled brilliance across her eyes. She was looking up and seeing the silhouette of leaves through the trees, was she moving? Nell passed under a bow and through the branches and foliage the suns patterns danced all around her. It was green beneath her feet.

"Nell." A voice said near to her, it was a soft New York drawl and she turned around and saw near to her a friend. A face she had not seen in a long time. The woman was wearing a deep green dress, blending in beautifully with the nature that surrounded them. Nell realised she was back, she was back in New York, back walking in the park how she often used to, always accompanied by the same person. "Come here."

"What is it Betty?" She asked as she neared her friend taking in the full daunting elegance and large eyes that stared back at her. Betty's hand had moved to her stomach which protruded from her dress in a bump. She smiled and moved her hand over it; she reached out for Nell's hand and placed it onto it. For a moment there was nothing, then a movement somewhere deep beneath the skin of her friend, a movement of growing innocence and life.

The women looked at one another and smiled, Betty's ashen hair shone with health and vitality and her peachy skin seemed dewy and fresh. It was as though Mother Nature had been epitomised in one body, so beautiful and bursting with life. Betty's arm slid through Nell's and they walked together over the green, the sun was out, the sound of New York in the background, promise stretching out before them. The love that friendship brings holding them together.

Then her eyes opened and the room about her was dark, this was no day of promise in New York instead the night when a new bond was solidified. The first bond since another was tragically broken. Nell felt the presence of Richard sleeping beside her, she felt one of his arms lovingly draped over her, holding her gently to him even in slumber. Nell listened to the deep pattern of his breathing, she heard the evidence of his injuries in that pattern. She was happy in that moment and she had dreamt happy to but now a moment of severe sadness overcame her and she crept from the bed and put on her robe. Tiptoeing from the room she made her way to the one where her daughter in all but blood slept soundly. The sounds of her own soft breathing were soothing to Nell and she sat on the mattress and looked down on the sleeping form as her eyes grew more accustomed to the dark. She turned the lamp onto a dim light so she could see Elsa without waking her.

As she looked upon her she saw all that betrayed she was not really her mother and the essence of her true mother revealed itself. Elsa's hair was dark like Nell's, that was a gift from her father, but the curve of her cheek, sweep of her chin and the setting of her eyes were all her mothers. Those long lashes and that perfect cupids bow where all her mothers, not hers. Nell could feel herself grow teary, she had a true gift in this sleeping form but the injustice of what Elsa had really been robbed of stung at her. But it was not only Elsa who was robbed, Nell had been robbed to, she had lost the first connection she had made herself, the first time she had chosen to love a person. She had loved Betty like a sister, like a friend and like a kindred spirit and had been loved likewise in return.

Nell bent her head and stroking Elsa's hair she kissed the top of her head.

"My darling." She said quietly. "I love you so much."

Nell had never believed in loving vastly, she only believed in loving well. She did not count what unconditional love brought for those were ties you never lost completely. But now she loved only three people on this earth and it burnt brilliantly in her, she loved as much now as she did then for the one who had been taken from her. And she loved now the one she had never known then with such intensity she could not believe it. She loved Elsa too and that would never stop.

The child's eyes flickered open and she groggily grew accustomed to the face of her mother as far as she was concerned.

"Mama?" She said sleepily.

"It's alright my love." She said quietly, her accent seemed to deepen at this moment. "I just had a dream and I had to come see you."

"A bad dream?" Elsa asked, sitting up slightly and looking at Nell with her large eyes.

"No. Just the first time your mother let me feel you move." Nell explained.

Elsa looked at her a moment and then smiled, Nell had always tried to explain that she would always be a mama to Elsa but that she had indeed the love of two mothers. For though her real mother did not love her for very long, she had loved her very much. Nell only continued to feel and devote that love in her memory and because she loved Elsa as her own.

Elsa shuffled forward and cuddled against Nell and in return was showered with kisses and reassurance. Nell sat by Elsa as she drifted back off to sleep and then watched her for a little while longer. Then she turned down the lamp and softly left the room, she was not ready to sleep yet and though the promise of lying warmly in Richard's arms was tempting she didn't feel ready to return yet.

Sitting herself on the chaise in dull lamplight, Nell ignored the coolness of the room and hugging her knees to her she thought things over.

"You look a little lost?" That soft drawl spoke again, it seemed so real like she was standing right by her.

"I think you are supposed to have a plan to be lost. I am neither." She had answered worriedly yet she had been pleased at a stranger's intervention. She had remembered how snug and stylish Betty's outfit was, she was smoking a cigarette and her face was made up, she looked beautiful her only imperfection being slight dark circles under her eyes.

"Come with me if you like. I was going to for a drink and that can be a good place to start."

Nell remembered being intimidated by their contrast, she a lost, rural immigrant dressed in what she classed as one of her best outfits and this short, elegant beauty the epitome of style and clearly some wealth. Yet she had taken the offer for she had no other and she had found that the woman was no wealthier than she, she had just had a stroke of luck. They had talked for some time and at last the answer came.

"I fell in love and the best part is I got him to love me. That's gotta be the guarantee or you end up at the wayside." Betty had explained.

"Do you really love him then? Or have you just found a way to think you do?" Nell had asked, she might be lost but she was not completely naïve.

"You kinda fabricate it with some of em. But with this one, well I'm quite devoted."

Betty was twenty five and worked at a club and there after a few misfires with 'drunken bores and feckless bastards' she had met the man she had since lived with. The man who loved her, genuinely and paid for the life she loved. Nell was a fresh girl of eighteen and though at first sceptical found this tale to be endearing.

"So what are you doin'?" She has asked Nell finally and here Nell had merely shaken her head as her anxiety had flushed her again. "Tell you what; you can come home with me."

"Why?" Nell had asked.

"Because I like you."

"I don't… I can't pay for my keep and I'd rather not have to… you know."

"Honey I ain't inviting you back like some cat house madam. I'm asking because I needed kindness once and I found it, so I think it's good to share it around. That alright with you?" Betty had a blunt manner but she had a big heart and this was one of the things that had made Nell love her so much as their acquaintance blossomed into friendship. "You're sweet I can tell and sharp too I bet, or at least you will be when we get that terrified look off your face."

And there it was, it had begun and had run seamlessly until it was cut short.

Nell was broken from her memories by the sound of footsteps in the corridor; in a moment a masked Richard appeared in the doorway, she saw him from the corner of her eye. He remained there till she turned to look at him and she smiled. He seemed to become more reassured and he moved towards her. Her eyes invited him to sit on the chaise with her and as he sat down she shifted herself onto her knees so she faced him better.

"I went to check on Elsa." She said softly as she leaned forward and brushed away a lock of hair that had flopped onto his forehead. Richard put out his arm and she moved nearer to him, nuzzling into his side.

"Are you. Hmm. Alright?" He asked.

"Perfectly fine. I was just dreaming and I woke up and I just had to go and see her. I get those moments sometimes." She explained revelling in the warmth of his body that gradually warmed hers. "Are you alright?"

"I'm. Hmm. Happy."

"You don't sound happy." She said giving him a playful nudge.

"I'm. Hmm. Just tired." He said with a rueful tone. He leant in kissed her, first on the forehead then she tipped her head upwards a little so he could kiss her mouth. "I never. Hmm…."

"What? Tell me?"

"Jimmy. Hmm. He promised. Me I. Would. Have all this. Hmm. But I never. Actually believed. I would."

"You imagined that no one would want to care for you?" She asked.

"Hmm. It's not just…. When I came back. I didn't feel. Anything. Even. My sister. I couldn't. Feel like I. Did. Before."

"And now?"

"I suppose. Hmm. I. Can't quite. Believe this. Has happened."

"Well I do not believe myself to be a figment of your imagination." She said jovially. "I can only tell you that I think it has."

She saw his face sweep with some emotions and putting her arms around his neck she fell backwards on the chaise and brought him with her, holding him close. His own arms went about her and his head rested on her chest, hearing the lulling rhythm of her heart. Her hand massaged his scalp and she felt his arms tighten a little about her, the coolness of his mask reached her skin through her robe but she did not mind.

For some time they lay there in silence, both awake and content but both minds were thinking and Richard wanted to ask her so many things but he feared he would break the beauty of this moment. But Nell seemed to sense he had something on his mind and she looked down at him.

"You can say it you know."

For a moment Richard hesitated but at last he asked.

"Hmm. What happened. To. Elsa's mother?"

Nell breathed in deeply for a moment and Richard watched her face closely, there was no mistaking that a twinge of sadness crept into her frame and she seemed to shrink a little beneath him.

"She died." Came the answer, spoken very quietly and with a heavy exhale. Nell wanted to tell the whole story and she would in time, but for now she would say just enough to satisfy his curiosity. "She was my friend and the first person I met in New York, she took me in when she barely knew me. She didn't know if I was a thief or malicious, she didn't care."

Richard's mind went to his own similar experience in that hospital, where maskless and wretched he had made eye contact with Jimmy Darmody and his whole new path started. Who knew it would actually lead where Jimmy had said it would, just not as Jimmy imagined. He didn't ask any more and instead he got up and pulled her up with him.

"Hmm. It's in cold here."

She nodded and allowed herself to be lead back to bed where they rested in each other's arms and slept soundly, no harm, no threats and no danger present at that moment.


	17. A Moment by the Sea

**Chapter 16**

The routine continued the following three days, in the early hours Nell would slip out of Richard's room and back to Elsa's. There she would enjoy an hour cuddling her daughter before they rose and began the day. Whilst she bathed and dressed Elsa as usual, Richard had offered to go and fetch any food that was running low. It seemed an unspoken agreement to not let Elsa see their involvement had naturally formed but Nell managed to give Richard a quick kiss of appreciation before he left.

Within half an hour of Richard's absence there was a knock at the door, Nell neared it cautiously but refused to let the nervousness appear in her voice.

"Who is it?"

"It's James Darmody." A confident voice replied and when she opened the door she saw the very man, dressed in a smart, grey suit step into the kitchen. She invited him in and proceeded to make some coffee whilst he took a seat and observed the living conditions of the house. It was a far cry from his own comfort but then he remembered, her own house not far down the street had been abandoned. Nell was nervous; Darmody's serious expression always made her uneasy, she didn't dislike him only worried what news he brought with him. She made an effort to start a conversation.

"How is your son Mr Darmody?"

"He's fine." Jimmy replied, gulping down his coffee within moments of it being placed before him. He ignored the burning sensation drifting down his throat. "Growin' fast. He's got a good mother."

"I've no doubt. How is Angela?"

"She's fine." Jimmy said and noticing Elsa playing in the corridor by the open door he pointed to her. "How is she?"

"Less frightened with Mr Harrow here, I can't thank you enough for your help." She said earnestly. Jimmy shook his head.

"I highly doubt anyone would come to harm with Richard around. He's good shot. My Angie's got a bit of a soft spot for him."

"I think he's very fond of both you of you."

Jimmy lit a cigarette but he made the gesture of asking permission first, he took a few drags of it before replying to her.

"He's a good friend. Happen'd upon him by chance in Chicago. He's the most loyal person I know. It ain't easy to find round here." Jimmy watched Elsa play for a moment and he watched Nell out of the corner of his eye. She was a pretty girl, pretty enough for men to put themselves out for, just a pity she attracted the attention of a man like Warren. "I'm guessin' it's been quiet around here lately?"

"I haven't seen anyone for several days."

"Good."

At this point Richard re-entered the house carrying a hand full of groceries. As soon as he saw Jimmy his attitude seemed to change a little, there was a reserve in him and almost without seeing Nell herself he put down the items and went straight to his friend.

"I hear all's been quiet?" Jimmy began.

"Yes. I…" Richard considered his words carefully for Nell's sake. "encountered. One of. His men. The other night. Hmm. He won't be back."

The word 'encountered' was not lost on Nell, she remembered the blood on his coat, she had known then what it had meant but she chosen not to think about it.

"None of them will."

"I'll leave you both." Nell interjected, feeling they would prefer privacy but Jimmy put out his hand to halt her.

"No, you could do to hear this. I had a call last night, we're needed in Chicago. I could do with you there, Richard."

"But. What about. Hmm Warren?" Richard said, trying to keep the reluctance from his voice.

"It's all been a game, he's been hiring men. That 'gang' that tried to bundle her into the car, he paid for them, they just didn't know who their benefactor was. He paid for men to be shot by his own."

"But why?" Nell asked.

"He wanted to frighten you, he thought he'd persuade you to go with him."

"All that effort for me though, it doesn't make sense." Nell was deeply confused, she barely knew Warren, barely spoken to him and though she knew he wanted to bed her she found it ridiculous he'd go to so much trouble.

"Well it's finished now, its over. We've not seen his men for days and he's been in Philadelphia. You're safe, but I need Richard back with me."

"Hmm. How long. For?" Richard asked.

"A couple of days, not long. Ange isn't pleased." Jimmy explained, his brow furrowing as he tried to keep his tone reassuring for Nell's sake.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Hmm. I'll be at. Yours. First thing. In the morning."

Jimmy gave his friends arm a firm pat and then lighting up another cigarette he allowed Nell to show him out. She didn't seem frightened, nor did she seem relieved, in truth Jimmy couldn't work out what anyone had felt during that conversation. But he didn't mind enough to consider it long, he had preoccupations of his own. Once he'd left, Nell and Richard stood opposite each other deep in thought. Elsa gradually brought her game into the kitchen and her voice was the only sound until Nell said quietly.

"It's over then."

Her words panicked Richard and he took a step nearer, aware of Elsa but his emotions were running to high within him to conceal them.

"What do. You. Hmm. Mean?"

"The danger, I suppose. It all seems so stupid. But you both did it, you helped us. You don't know how grateful I am."

Her words still didn't assure Richard, was their time together some part of this arrangement, had she in her vulnerability and fear sought comfort without thinking of what would come? He took another step nearer to her, his throat dry and his heart painful with anticipation. Nell seemed to become more herself after she had spoken these words aloud.

"Do you think it will only be a couple of days?"

"Hmm. I am. Never sure. The men. Jimmy knows are. Hmm. Complicated."

Nell chewed her lip and considered, it was too much to have a heavy discussion at the moment, tomorrow he would leave and she would miss him, she wanted to make the most of the day they had.

"Shall we take a walk to the beach to celebrate the end of our incarceration?" She said with a smile, on hearing these words Elsa got up and ran to her and her own beaming face brought about a relieved happiness in Richard.

"That. Hmm. Sounds perfect."

The three strolled down the boardwalk, Elsa holding Richard's hand as well as her mothers. As they walked Nell noticed at times the glances Richard got and it annoyed her and hurt her on his behalf. But for once, Richard seemed completely unaffected for he was still learning to take in his happiness from recent days, the happiness that overwhelmed him. He allowed himself to be persuaded to take off his shoes and roll up his trousers to feel the sand between his toes. Nell and Elsa were very fond of the feeling and they strolled down the sandy stretch before them , Nell sometimes breaking away to chase Elsa a short distance before picking her up and spinning her round. Richard so desperately wanted to put his arm around her but he wasn't sure, as happy as he was they were back in the real world not their little Eden.

Elsa bravely moved towards the waves and began running back and forth, dodging their assault herself whilst they watched. This end of the beach was quiet and the warm breeze whispered all around them, coupling with the child's happy giggles. Nell stood close to Richard, her eyes were fixed on Elsa and their hazel depths glistened. The he felt it, he felt her arm slowly snake round his waist and she pulled herself a little closer to him and all at once that familiar rush of each new experience washed over him like the sea on the shore. His own arm went around her waist and he pulled her to him a little tighter, her other hand coming to rest on his chest. He turned his head and placed a kiss as best he could on the top of her head, breathing in how the fresh smell of her hair mingled with the sea air. The ache inside him to be settled that all those years of dreaming had created rose up in him and he considered the possibility to of it being real this time. There was maybe a chance after all. Some time ago Jimmy had said he would find a nice girl and settle down and he had thought it a flippant joke or unlikely event. But there was possibility here, she accepted him exactly as he was and he believed that she loved him. Then there was Elsa, the child he had become equally besotted with. Margaret Schroeder's children and Tommy had made him see the pleasure of a family but Elsa he could easily love as his own, as he loved her mother.

"Now there's a serious expression Mr Harrow." Nell said adopting a mock grave tone. "Is there something wrong? Is the sea not to your liking or perhaps some strange woman has just put her arm about you and disturbed you."

That slight sense of mischief seem to bubble within him again and he found himself giving her side a slight squeeze making her squirm with ticklishness. She laughed a little and he looked at her joyful face, her hair blown slightly loose by the sea breeze and he was tempted by those rosy lips he enjoyed kissing so much. She was like freshly fallen snow, unblemished and beautiful and a sight that would help pull him through any dark days that working for Jimmy brought.

Elsa came running up to him, she had seen how the pair were stood and she seemed to smile all the more. Nell turned to Richard and said.

"Now Richard, when was the last time you waded a little into the sea?"

"Hmm. Never." Then turning to Elsa he said. "There was so sea. Hmm. Near the farm. I grew up. In."

Elsa took his hand and gently dragged the pair of them to the sea, Nell hitched up her dressed a little higher and the three of them carefully took steps into the water relying on each other not to stagger in the pull of the tide. The trouble of the boardwalk was behind them, they did not see it at this moment, only an afternoon of contentment and promise was important.

As evening drew in the three sat as they had done the previous week and Elsa drowsily cuddled up to Nell. The Lady of Shallot was reread by request but by its conclusion Elsa had drifted off to sleep. Richard looked across at Nell and the sleeping child cocooned in her embrace and burnt the image into his memory along with so many others. Elsa was placed in bed and the two headed likewise to their own room, Richard once again unpinned her hair and watched it fall down her back gracefully.

Nell then started to undress Richard from his mask downwards, she took her time and he allowed her to do it undisturbed loving every one of her gentle touches. She backed him up a little so he sat on the edge of the bed and she undressed herself as he watched, revelling in the sight of her beautiful body gradually being exposed to him. When she was completely naked she looked down, still a little shy and she felt him take her hand and pull her gently to him. His arms went around her and he pulled her so close that his face buried itself in her stomach and chest. He inhaled deeply, his desire for her so great but he was still in no rush, no time would be long enough with her so hurrying through it would only ever be a waste.

Richard pulled himself further back on the bed so his back was against the wall and Nell joined him, straddling his waist and slipping her arms about his neck. They kissed lazily like this for some minutes, Richard's hands exploring her body causing her to moan into his mouth until at last they slipped downwards and his fingers again entered her and stroked her gently. She moaned and gasped into his mouth as they continued to kiss, her own hands grasped at him more desperately as the heated bliss growing low in her belly started to expand through her body. Such actions he had seen performed sleazily between drunken men and women in public places and he had found it repulsive, yet hearing and feeling her around him as he stroked her seemed natural and wonderful. He could feel her start to tighten and her moans grew more urgent against their lips until at last she whimpered his name and stilled his hand.

She needed more, he was bringing her to bliss which made her blood race but it was not enough at this moment. She needed him. Her own hand moved down to touch him and she watched his forehead fall to her shoulder as his breath became heavier. Then when she felt confident she raised her hips slightly and gradually sank down onto him. As she enveloped him the surprise and ecstasy the feeling brought made his grip on her intensify and she felt him muffle a gravelly moan into her shoulder. Yet it was she who cried out a little, some new node of pleasure seeming to hit her somewhere a little different, it was a poignant, sharp barb of pleasure and it stilled her breath for a second. This was new to her, she was not quite sure how to begin and resting her hands on his shoulders she moved herself a little upwards, feeling him withdrawing from her, then slowly and a little clumsily she lowered herself again. That joyous pang hit her somewhere inside again and her breath sucked in violently, Richard looked up at her and saw her eyes close as she took in the sensation, then reopen to look at him.

Her expression helped him understand and his own hands took her hips and he helped her move and after a little time they start to find a mutual rhythm. Once found, the kisses returned and whilst the paced was unrushed and steady, the pair coveted and grasped at each others body's desperately. The sight of her, the feel of her atop of him nearly sent Richard over the edge immediately, the feel of their chests fused together as their skins dragged across each other was unbelievable. How many times would he make love with her and feel like this? He hoped forever, he would never grow tired of her or wake up having lost his awe of her.

As they continued it seemed the pace and pleasure culminated to an intense point for Nell, this was all still relatively new and he could see that however much she enjoyed it, she was also starting to become painfully overwhelmed. But he loved the feel of her on top of him and how close it allowed them to be but taking hold of her he moved a little on the bed and laid flat on his back, bringing her down with him into an embrace.

Their movements temporarily stilled and he kissed her, her expression relaxed a little and she gazed at him, her hand stroking down his scarred cheek. Then as they looked at one another he brought his hips upward and moved inside her again. Her eyes seemed to flutter a little narrower and as he continued to move in and out slowly, gradually getting deeper. He saw that her eyes darkened with need again but that the struggle faded away completely. She felt every nerve ending within her ignite, she could not describe the feeling she had, his arms were around her back hugging her to him as he moved within her, a little firmer and deeper. Through the blinding pleasure and knot building within her she promised herself someday soon she would make love to him as passionately as he now was to her and she would bring him to the heights he brought her. But he was to kind to demand everything from her and she doubted he ever would, she could see it in the way he looked at her.

Her lips reached below his ear and she kissed him there, hearing the deep groan that escaped his lips and she distractedly pressed more along his throat and jaw, wherever she could reach. At last she was so close all she could do as the knot tightened was bury her head into his shoulder and hold onto him tight as he continued to move. Their body's were slick with sweat and ready for release. At last she snapped and her cry was stifled by her lips crushing against his. Richard himself reached the crescendo and with a final movement within her he gripped her like a vice as his body shuddered beneath her. His own throaty groan lost in that final impassioned kiss. Then there was only breath and unwound bodies as they lay together, Nell collapsed on his chest with his arms loosely around her stroking idle circles as he recovered.

The longing to tell her he loved her was the first thought that returned to him as he relaxed and allowed his heart to slow. But though their love making was passionate and meaningful he felt it the wrong place to tell her, there was an influence that it had that could make it appear false or even a courtesy. But he did, it grew everyday but today he thought it went a little deeper. The moment her arm had slid round his waist he seemed to find it had new depths and he little doubted there were still further ones to explore. Nell moved off him and snuggled into his side as he searched with his hand to release the blanket beneath them and pull it over them. He turned his head and found her looking up at him from the crook of his arm.

"I will really resent tomorrow." She said and he hugged her tighter to him and sought her lips for a gentle kiss. So much poured out of him for her yet she seemed to replace it with something from inside herself and he felt safe and he didn't feel alone. She was battling falling asleep he could tell and he said quietly.

"Hmm. Go to sleep. We. Hmm. Have everything. Here. It's safe."

And as though his words were magic her arm went about him and he eyes dropped and closed and he lost her to slumber. But he remained awake for a little longer as his body relaxed and sank into joy, enjoying holding her close to him and the feel of her living and breathing in his arms. Then at last he slept and that resentful day climbed from the darkness and began.


	18. The Current Takes Her

**Chapter 17**

The morning came, it was not in its power to be kind for two people. As Richard's eye opened, the weight of the world seemed to rest heavy on his chest. The spell was broken, reality had returned and he had to leave the place he had been so happy in. It was not the complete end of everything, yet he felt he was being expelled from Eden and he looked down to Nell whose eyes were still closed beside him. His arm found its way around her and turning a little he drew her to him and looked at her. He would not be gone long and he would be back soon and she was safe at last. He drank in the creaminess of her skin and the colour that had returned to her in recent days and he gently pushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. The world couldn't offer him anything better or superior than what he had right here, even Jimmy could not match it. He had dreamt wildly last night, there had been noises that seemed so near to him yet he could not see any danger. Then he had been strolling through a field in Plover as he had the night before he left for Chicago until at last he was back in some whore house hearing Capone's sneering laugh. The shapes and shadows were nothing new and so they barely woke him these days. So he only woke this morning conscious of all that had gone before and what was here and now.

Richard swung his legs of the bed and pushed the hair off his face, he looked around at the few belongings he needed to pull together and he took to the task. He didn't see the point in putting it off. However happy he had been these last weeks, life had taken more from him than it had given and so his skin thickened again to protect him from the pain of disruption. Had he not gone away only a few days before? So why did he feel so wretched now? Maybe it was the dream, or maybe because before he wasn't 100 percent certain she cared for him and now he was. He poured the jug of water into the bowl, little caring it was cold and he washed himself and then dressed. Finally he slipped on his mask and only then did he look back towards the bed. There he saw her, her eyes open and she watched him quietly, how long had she been awake? He could no more read the expression on her face than she knew what was going through his mind. For a moment their gaze locked but then she got up and dressed herself in her robe, ready to make the trip back to Elsa's room. As she passed him she stopped and rested her hand silently on his arm, his head was bowed but eventually his own came to rest on top of it and there it remained until she moved away.

Some time later when he entered the kitchen he found Nell boiling water for Elsa's bath, she was not dressed for the day but she had twined her hair into a bundle on the back of her head. She was humming quietly to herself as she worked and he noticed she had prepared some food for him on the table.

"You don't like this man, do you?" She asked. "The one in Chicago."

"Hmm. It doesn't. Matter. What I think."

"Who told you that? Jimmy?"

"No. Hmm. He always asks. What I'm thinking. I just. Don't often tell." He explained, he so wanted to reach out and touch her, he didn't like this distance between them this morning. Nell tipped water from the pan into the bath then refilled it, he watched as the weight seemed to be too much for her but she placed it back over the fire and rubbed her eyes. Richard moved forward then, he took her waist in his hands and pulled her back against him, resting his forehead against her hair.

"Hmm. You're sad."

"No. I guess I just… realised what has changed. New things to fit into the same old cycle." She replied as she felt his arms snaked round her body and he pressed himself into her more, she turned her head sideways though she did not look at him. "I just worry."

"Hmm. You're safe…"

"About you, I mean. About what you do and I know the vague idea I have is probably mild in comparison." Once she had said her piece she shook her head and with it some of the weight she seemed to carry fell away. She turned in his arms and placed her hands on his shoulders a small smile on her face. "But never mind, nothing is forever."

"Just. Hmm. a few days."

"Exactly, there are only ever periods of time. And I think the time for you to go has come hasn't it?"

He nodded, not looking pleased with the idea. Elsa was not yet up and he wasn't quite sure what to say to Nell, this was all new to him. She smiled at him, seeing him consider this and she kissed his cheek and then the exposed bit of his mouth, her hands massaging his shoulders a little. He drank in the feel of her smoothing his hair with her hand as her large eyes checked him over from head to toe. Then she handed him the food she prepared and he left. Nell didn't watch him go this time, she had wanted too but life still was to go on, there was water to boil and her daughter to rouse. He would be back and life would go on as normal.

….

Charlie Luxor was a man of impeccable appearance and aquiline handsomeness, the broadness of his shoulders gave him a strong gait and no part of him ever stooped. He was still a fairly young man at the top of his game and he had known both tragedy and success in his life. Elsa had stared at him with vague remembrance as he stood in the kitchen, her big eyes seemed dwarfed by his presence. He knelt down and beckoned her to him, his face kind when it looked upon her, but there was an air of the businessman that he could never quite shake from his expression. He exchanged a rather easy conversation with his daughter and she seemed to warm to him again quite quickly and Nell looked on with both pleasure and unease. It would take a great matter to bring him down from New York and despite the care he took for Elsa he wasn't just here on a fatherly visit. The bribery of a new doll soon sent Elsa wandering off happily leaving the pair of them alone and Charlie for the first time properly looked Nell up and down.

"I don't see any bodyguards about." He said, his voice not quite as deep as one would expect for a man of his stature, yet the drawl of a New Yorker was strong and thick.

"He has left me alone."

"I know, you have me to thank for that. But that's not what I mean."

Nell's stomach lurched a little, she wasn't quite sure of his meaning but he was always a man to explain himself.

"You're looking well and I have to say I'm pleased with how Elsa's is looking too. It's to your credit how she's turned out."

"Thank you." She said.

"This arrangement though, I don't think it works well long distance now. Not after all this business. I understand it was Mr Thompson who found you and introduced you to Mr Warren?"

"Yes, though I didn't really care to meet him regardless of how all this turned out."

"I have made Mr Warren aware that I don't appreciate someone trying to bundle my child into a van as a means to seducing a member of his own family. We discussed the matter and he withdrew his men."

"I am grateful, I really am. I knew when I wrote to you… for a while I did wonder if your help was coming but…"

"You doubted I'd help you?" He asked calmly.

"No exactly." She replied. "But when the man brought the money he didn't seem interested."

"I keep things separate and I thought with a man like Warren it's best to go to the source." Luxor explained, his hands hand pulling his removed leather gloves through the other. "And you laid low which was sensible."

There was a moment of silence, Nell didn't really know what to say, they had always gotten along though he had become more strained when Betty had died. He looked at her now with appreciation and she could see it but there was something he still had to say and she knew it.

"There's a problem?"

"Yes." He replied. "A man named Darmody. I believe he helped you during this time."

"Yes and his associate Mr Harrow."

"You do know Darmody has a little war going on with Warren, it's all about bootleggin' and I believe some of Warren's men even attacked one of Darmody's."

"I wasn't aware of the extent of their dealings with one another." She said, not liking where this conversation was heading.

"It was a mistake to get him involved. You exposed Elsa to a lot more danger that way."

"Mr Harrow stayed in this house and protected us; he killed one or two intruders…"

"Your dealin's with Darmody aggravated the situation. You know our arrangement was made because I wanted Elsa kept out the way of harm. Her mother never liked the idea of having a child in the middle of it and neither did I. These kind of escapades make me think she could be safer with me in New York. At least there I have my ear to the ground…"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin', this is finished. Warren is a man I don't trust, he's a fuckin' snake. I want Elsa back in New York, you're both comin' back with me today."

"Charlie please…."

"This isn't a discussion, it's for the best." He said with a placid firmness that spoke more weight than any aggression could do, it was a sign he was unmovable. "You took the decision to involve others, I understand your reasons but it was an error. I can't rely on you the same now. I'll be back in a few hours, get packed up."

He left before she could say more, the weight of his decision bearing down on her like a tonne of stones. A rush of nausea filled her and she ran to the sink and vomited, the sound bringing Elsa running into the kitchen. The child stood in the doorway and watched as her 'mother' wretched several times, when Nell became aware of her presence she splashed her face with water and tried to compose herself. The realisation that in her desperation she had ruined everything hit her like a blow to the head, she couldn't comprehend it. What else was she to have done? In protecting Elsa and herself she had jeopardised their entire life here, she had made it worse by involving Jimmy and Richard.

Yet what would life have been like without these past few weeks? The decision had changed her life, she loved Richard more than she thought was possible. She doubted Luxor knew the extent of her intimacy with him and she was glad, but everything seemed to be falling apart. Nell cursed Harry Warrens name and the curiosity that made him seek her out, she hated him for he was the means of ruining the life she had come to love since she had lost her friend that tragic day. She had worked hard to bring Elsa up to be the wonderful child she was, she loved the sea and their life together. And now she loved Richard too. But how quick could good things come tumbling down and once again she felt like an aggressive current was pushing her to the wayside. Nell had no power, no control and she had no idea how to stop this. There was only one thing she could think to do and soon she was hurrying with Elsa to the only person she thought might be able to help her, Angela Darmody.

But Angela was no more aware of the pairs whereabouts than Nell was, when opening the door and seeing the pale, fraught face of Nell she had immediately felt intense compassion. How many times in the past had she been desperate and not known where to turn as Jimmy had disappeared? Nell did not have to tell her about Richard for Angela could see it written in her face. She had offered Nell a drink and Tommy and Elsa sat playing in the other room.

"Do you know where you are going?"

"New York." Nell answered, her voice flat. She was not hysterical or desperate in her voice, the urge to cope for Elsa's sake had flattened any panic. "He doesn't think I can be trusted anymore here."

"I'm sorry." Angela had said, it was the only thing she could think to say and she rested her hand on top of Nell's and felt it shake a little.

"Could you… would you tell Richard something for me?" Nell asked.

"Of course."

She gave the message and then returned mournfully to the house, she had explained to Elsa they were to leave but the little girl saw no real upset in the arrangement. An hour later there was a knock at the door and for Nell the scene was only to get worse. Stood side by side was not only Charlie Luxor but Harry Warren, his face beaming with smug satisfaction.

"What is he doing here?" Nell said her voice growing angry.

"We have other things to discuss Nell." Charlie said in a tone that advised her to calm her own. Nell did not like what she was hearing for though devastated at his initial news her heart sank with fear at seeing the one man who frightened her.

"A pleasure to see you again my dear." Warren said smoothly, his voice making her skin crawl.

"Mr Warren and I have come to an agreement and it serves both of us. You will return to New York with Elsa and myself today, but you are only staying for a week. This gives Elsa a chance to get used to the idea with as little pain as possible. But after that you are going to Philadelphia with Mr Warren…"

"No Charlie you can't!" Nell said, her voice breaking and she completely ignored Warrens presence and pleaded her case straight into Luxor's eyes. "She needs me."

"She's young, she'll adapt. This is entirely your own fault. I can't trust you."

"But what about Betty? What would she have wanted for Elsa?"

"Betty is dead, I am her father, you are not her mother. You were a suitable substitute but now you are not. If you don't agree to this you won't be coming with us at all. I'm giving you one last week with her, I don't have to."

"And what… do you think… will happen to me?" She shivered, devastation making her almost unable to stand and tears pricking her eyes.

"That is between you and Mr Warren."

Nell lightly touched Luxor's arm, hoping to reach out and find the humanity in him, she wasn't hysterical but her tone showed the weight of her desperation.

"Charlie. Please…"

But Luxor was unmoved, the true businessman, he even managed to look at her without feeling guilty in anyway. Nell's arm flopped back to her side and all emotion drained from her, she was powerless and unless she wanted more pain for herself and Elsa she must agree. She nodded her head faintly.

"You won't regret it my dear." Warren said and turning to Luxor he put out his hand, it was taken with a firm shake but Luxor also chose to add his own warning.

"I don't want to run into trouble with you again Harry."

"Why should you, we both have what we want." Harry replied merrily, his face a picture of the cat who got the cream. He took Nell's hand and kissed it before leaving, whistling as he went. Luxor watched Nell's face for a moment and thought he had better speak.

"There was no other way."

He expected an argument from her but she was far beyond that, he had broken her in a matter of hours and robbed her of everything. She doubted her future could make her feel worse than she did at this moment, a kind of numbness took over and her face drained of colour. This was the end then.

As she sat in the car with Elsa seated on her lap, the pair held each other closely, Elsa excited for the new chapter, Nell destroyed by its impending conclusion. As the car started to move away she looked down the street where her own house stood empty and Lydia's too, she thought of every moment spent in them both. She thought about Elsa growing from a toddler to a small person in her own right, she thought of her and Lydia baking bread and lastly she thought of the time she walked into a room and nursed Richard's head wound. It was possible to have your heart broken by a man, but this man was not taking one thing, he was taking it all. The worst part of it was he didn't even know he was doing it really, he didn't understand. When Richard returned and found them gone he would be crushed, she knew how hard he had fought to overcome himself to be with her. But however much this hurt her it was somewhat eclipsed by the knowledge that what she now held in her arms was soon to be ripped from her. A week, a month, a year would never be enough to prepare for that torturous, unyielding pain. Gradually she had gained those to love and lost them just as quickly, how was that to be born? Nell didn't know the answer and she leant near to Elsa's ear and whispered quietly.

"Say goodbye to Atlantic City my darling."

Elsa waved and Nell gave a bitter smile, she didn't understand. The people continued to walk the streets, deals were struck and the law broken, this city could be a dreadful place but as Nell slowly receded from it she felt everything that mattered remained within its perimeter. She looked ahead at the road they travelled along and her mind once again tormented her.

"_What now then Eleanor Byrne, what now?"_

_**Authors notes: There's just a epilogue left to this story and then the future of these three will be in the sequel. Thanks for those who have read this and I hope you've enjoyed it.**_


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The sea barrelled in, crashing mercilessly onto the sands before dragging itself back out again. The cycle was a comfort to some; it put their lives into perspective that as people come and go, the sea goes go on. For other it becomes the means of making them aware of their own mortality and how there are powers around them that they cannot fight. It was early morning on the beaches of Atlantic City and barely anyone had stirred themselves to visit its tides. The waves hissed and murmured as they rolled and rolled and the sun slowly climbed to its ascension.

Richard Harrow had stepped from the Darmodys house onto the sands the night before and had walked a long time in the darkness. In the pale light of sunrise he now sat some way further up and he was cold, a little damp but most of all he was broken. He had been away some time, the dealings were arduous and cut throat as usual and he had felt out of place with the other associates Jimmy had. A few days had gradually culminated in two and a half weeks, he had written to explain after a week but had received no reply, another sent and no reply. When they had returned home Angela had greeted Jimmy with a swift kiss but had taken Richard aside and spoken to him. The message was simple and clear in its meaning.

'_I had to make a choice and I had to choose New York.'_

What kind of final parting was that, if it was a parting at all? At first he had been angry, filled with disbelief that that was the only message he was to receive. Then he realised, upon his departure he had given her little more, he had not even told her the extent of his feelings for her, given her no definite idea of his returning to her. He mused over Angela's explanation of events. She was there trying to claw back Luxor's trust but why didn't she send word to him at all once she was there? The pain was excruciating, there was the loss, the heartbreak and the rejection and then there was that part of him that exalted over the rest of him, goading him about what a stupid dream he had. So he was angry with her but most of all he was angry with himself. Those days in the house clearly meant nothing like what he thought, they were brought about by the confines of space and need for companionship in a time of fear, that was all.

How little did he know as he sat there in wretchedness, the final blow that Nell had received when she was faced with two men who now were in charge of her future. He got up from where he sat, his body ached from stiffness and cold and it was a chill he would not quickly lose, he was frozen down to the bone. It was a heavy task carrying himself home to the room he was destined to reside in alone.

Jimmy noticed his friend had receded further into himself, he spoke even less and his person seemed a little smaller than before. But Jimmy never asked why his friend was struggling; he wasn't sure what further hurt he would give Richard by asking. Months past and Richard did as Jimmy asked to the letter, his precision and execution even sharper than before, but again Jimmy did not ask, he only looked on. Angela tried to offer the little kindness she could without mentioning the root pain, but it wasn't enough to penetrate the shell he wore.

One morning he woke up and the image of her laid on her side looking at him seemed so clear, so tangible that he believed for a moment it was real. But it was nothing but mockery, his mind humiliating him constantly. He hated when he dreamed of making love to her and he hated dreaming of them sat together on a porch or beach somewhere, watching the world go by caring about nothing but what they had together.

As time went on he craved and needed different aspects of her at different times, some days it would linger with him like a weight on his shoulders then others it would sabotage him at a moment when he thought he was at peace. But he loved her anyway, he had always been burdened with that trait of holding onto memories and feelings intensely and knowing her had only added to the baggage he carried with him through his life. Richard hoped she was safe and he hoped that the decision had settled better with her than it had left him. He hoped Elsa would mention him to Nell at times and make her remember him, never to forget him. As for himself, he still had Jimmy's work and so he had a purpose and that would have to be good enough.

_**Authors notes: A depressing end there, the sequel will follow on in a day or two. We'll see a different Nell and a somewhat different Richard. It will be angsty at times but I hope those who have read this fic will enjoy it as much if not more. Thank you to anyone who read it and especially those who have reviewed my chapters, I've really been encouraged by your lovely comments!**_


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